Baby, why aren't you growing?

I went for my weekly appointment this afternoon. I gained 2lbs since last week, had no contractions to report and have not dilated any further, all good. The catch is that after having 32 weeks of the baby's growth being right on target she's suddenly "a little small." The doctor ordered an ultrasound for tomorrow afternoon to get a weight and make sure there isn't anything dangerous restricting growth all the sudden. Her heart rate is still good, but if she quite literally ran out of room to grow it could be a big problem for us both. I know that kind of thing happens to dwarf mothers sometimes and I'm only an inch or two taller than that. It may be nothing, but if there is anything limiting growth at this critical stage or the slow down in growth is a danger to either of us she'll have to come out. Fingers crossed. Again, every time I comfort myself with something (ex: at least I'm not on bed rest, at least I haven't dilated or at least the baby's growing right on target) it happens. I'll update you guys after my appointment. By the way, tomorrow is 33 weeks, another reason to hope for good news.

The Belly is Expanding

Why Mike is My Hero

Everyone was cool with sandwiches for dinner last night except me. I mean I didn't pitch a fit or anything. I would've eaten one (I don't have any trouble eating lately). But I wanted tacos. So, Mike went to the store and got the ingredients we didn't have without a word of complaint. He made fresh guacamole from scratch for starters. They were amazing tacos. I enjoyed them thoroughly last night and again for lunch today. I told Mike if his babies are as good as his tacos we're all set

Belly Controversy

Are You Kidding Me?!?

This is an article about a newspaper editor who got in trouble for publishing a photo of a woman showing her friend her pregnant belly. As you can see from the article it's a black and white photo of two fully clothed smiling women and one is revealing her belly, that’s it. I don't get it. What is it that inflames people about a pregnant belly? I think they are amazing, but even if you feel indifferent it's hard to understand someone being offended. It's a natural process and the physical manifestation of it is aesthetically pleasing so what's the problem?
I understand in times past a pregnant woman showing her belly was unheard of, but there was also times when showing ankle was "immodest." Times move forward. Here’s the magazine cover reffered to in the article: Vainity Fair Cover Mentioned in Article Again, I'm perplexed by the controversy here as well. I understand that she's naked, but her breasts aren't exposed. Here again I think it's very pretty picture of a beautiful pregnant woman and I can't imagine being offended by it.
Maybe it's because of my recent experience with this. I posted a few pictures from my maternity shoot. None of them were completely nude and any that were topless I was covered by my arm, hands or hair. Not unlike Demi's picture except I'm wearing pants in all of them. I posted my pictures in a private album on MySpace and Facebook. This inadvertently offended someone who decided the appropriate course of action was to report an image to MySpace as offensive. Here's my issue, if you don't want to see it you're more than welcome not to look. If you must look and find yourself upset with an image why not tell me so I can decide to crop it or delete it or offer some kind of solution?
It leaves me wondering if people were actually offended or just expressing their negative feelings about something else. Maybe looking at these bellies on radiant confident women inflames a woman who felt uncomfortable with her pregnant body. There’s no way to control the feelings of others. It makes sense that they may choose to be resentful rather then enjoy the pictures for pure aesthetic value and move on. These pictures are not pornographic they are artistic. I don’t think any of these women were "showing off”, “being immodest" or even being narcissistic. Speaking for myself, I was just sharing a moment in time with my friends and family the same way I would share pictures of the baby once she's born. Maybe people are just too sheltered now (although I can't imagine how with access to the internet and cable). I personally grew up going to art museums and seeing paintings of chubby naked women as masterpieces not smut. What makes a painting of a long dead pregnant woman in the nude art and a photograph of an exposed pregnant belly offensive?

Propaganda

So, I get newsletters and occasional ads from some of the baby sites I visit. This particular gem is from "What to Expect When You're Expecting." What a load of crap! I can't imagine someone bringing this to their doctor and not getting laughed at. First of all no one dies from adhesions after a c-section (or most other modern surgical procedures) and second whatever needs to be done is your doctor's responsibility. These jerks are preying on paranoid pregnant women. Like there isn't enough worth worrying about and besides it's not nice to mess with the hormonal.

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My Weekly Appointment

I went to the doctor this morning. She said "alright you made it through the weekend without having a baby, good job." We talked about the handful of contractions I'd experienced since I saw her, the cramping and pressure. Nothing too terrible. I asked if I was still going to be released from bed rest at 34wks if there were no major incidents and she said yes. Then I asked if I could go off the meds at that point and she said not until 36wks. Pretty exciting since I'll be 32wks tomorrow which means 2 weeks until bed rest is over (fingers crossed) and 4 weeks until no more anti-contraction meds. Woo-hoo. Baby is still growing right on target and has a nice strong heart beat. Even the lady at the front desk said "look at you, still pregnant." I think it's funny how excited they are for me to have made it couple more days, believe me I am too.

A Completely Inverse Weight Problem

So, an ex-boyfriend once described my inability to gain or keep on weight as "a completely inverse weight problem." I have always been small and never registered on the pediatricians’ growth chart, but I was always told I was the right height for my weight. Proportionate. I won't tell you how much I weighed when I got pregnant, but I will tell you I'd been the same weight for about 10yrs at that point.
My pregnancy books and a midwife had told me a pound a week was the goal during the first trimester. Well, given my morning sickness and fatigue what sounded completely reasonable was quite impossible. I figured I'd make up for it eventually (or at least I hoped so). The doctor never said a word about it until my second trimester started and with the sudden relief of morning sickness I mysteriously started losing weight. I was mystified until the doctor deduced that my activity level was canceling out my calorie intake. Oops, forgot about that high metabolism. I was burning off those 5 meals a day.
Well, things slowed down quite a bit when the contractions hit because that lead the way for pelvic rest and eventually bed rest. I was now eating all day and not moving around at all. Voila! I have gained steady weight recently and since the start of my pregnancy I'm up 20lbs.
Now, even I worry about losing the pregnancy weight once the baby comes. Partly out of vanity, but it also reeks havoc on my joints and balance. It was one of the motivating factors for doing maternity yoga (second to pain control). Well, I read in my pregnancy book the other day that you burn 500-650 calories a day breast feeding. Great, I'll have a newborn and be exhausted and not eating as much as I'm burning and drop the weight too fast or drop so much weight milk production stops. I know it sounds like a wonderful problem to have, but it's gotta be similar (albeit more socially acceptable)to being overweight. Both situations can cause health problems. Anyway, not one to be caught unprepared I've been doing research and added the question to my list to ask the doctor tomorrow. I think the best solution I've heard so far is to eat every time you breast feed or pump to replace some calories. I'm open though, if anybody has suggestions let me know.

Babysitters

So, Mike and I had a discussion not long ago about the fact that we don't get out much datewise. He says having Isaac as young as he did he had to accept a long time ago that he wouldn't get out much. He says asking for babysittting is not something he's comfortable doing on a regular basis. I think he feels it's an imposition on his family after all he said "I don't have a Katie in my neighborhood."
For those of you who didn't know me then I was the girl to call for babysitting in my middle and high school years. I got certified with the Red Cross in babysitting and first aid when I was 12 and then I hit the ground running. I advertised in my mom's pediatric office, but mostly I watched the neighborhood kids, all of them. I babysat 5-7days a week sometimes twice a day. From newborns to 10yrs olds, only children and families with 6 children I sat them. I used to bring craft projects to entertain them and always left the house cleaner than I found it. Word spread quickly and I remember on nights like New Years Eve corralling 4 or 5 neighborhood kids at one house for the night. I loved it. There were even kids who cried when they woke up in the morning and I was gone.
I was talking to someone whose kids I used to watch and she said "you can't have a baby, you're the babysitter." Funny, I had that exact thought at some point. I'm hoping all that good babysitting karma will come back to me, now that I'm in need. Whether Michael came to grips with having no social life 7yrs ago or not, I have made no such concession (although, I have made many others). I realize they’ll be no leaving the house without at least one kid for a while, but I am unwilling to never go out without them. If I'm going to stay sane and our relationship is going to make it there have to be nights off.

Possibilities

Worst Case Scenario

I picture the worst case scenario going something like this: I go into labor, but I'm not sure that's what it is because the anti-contraction meds are masking the frequency of my contractions. Hours of dilation go by before there is some clear sign of labor. It's of course after business hours or a weekend so I have to leave a message with the doctor's answering service. Thanks to Michael's habit of not filling gas tanks we'll have to swing by a gas station the way to the hospital. By the time we get there I've been feeling the contractions for awhile and I'll be exhausted. The labor and delivery nurse will have three people at least ahead of me and when she examines me will tell me I'm in the late stages of labor at this point. They’ll rush me into surgery. Michael has to wait outside and because of the urgent situation they have to put me out completely.

Best Case

I go in for one of my weekly doctor's appointments and complain I feel a bit off. She examines me and cheerfully exclaims "it looks like today's the day." We go over to the hospital with enough time to start the epidural. Michael is allowed to hold my hand in the operating room and I am awake to see my daughter's arrival into the world.
My thoughts are that it won't happen on my terms no matter how many likely scenarios I prepare for mentally. But establishing the beginning and end of the range of realistic possibilities gives me a better idea of everything in between. Excuse me I'm going to start making my list of things to pack for the hospital now (I figure it'll be less likely to happen when I'm ready).

What The Doctor Said

I went for my appt at 9am. In general I seem to have a firm grip on what the reality of the situation is until it's time to go to the doctor at which point I have denial and memory loss. I knew the weekend of horrible pressure was a bad sign, even if my water hadn't broken, but I was feeling so much better since Sunday. I've been told since the beginning I was "high risk for preterm labor." I've been on bedrest for over a month with contractions even on the meds and the baby's head down and low since my last appt. So, what did I expect? I don't know, honestly. Maybe just that it was better than I thought or in a fantasy world that everything was great.
Well, after checking me out my OB said I've had "significant cervical changes" and she wants to see me once a week from now on. So, I pretty much went straight from once a month appointments to once a week. I never get to do anything the normal way. She says she can feel the baby's head and between the two I'll never make it to 39weeks. Unfortunately, she simply can't schedule a c-section any earlier than 39 weeks so as a formality it's set for Thursday October 8th. This means there’s almost no shot at a nice calm scheduled c-section. They have to wait for me to go into labor first. Sigh. I wonder why this little girl is in such a hurry. You have to be careful how you reassure yourself because it makes things that were comforting seem far worse than they really are when they happen. For example,” at least I haven't dilated” was a big comfort and then I did. It's really not so bad. At least I'm still home and not riding it out in the hospital. I was so hoping I'd get through August, but the doctor didn't seem optimistic about that at all.
On the plus side I do not have gestational diabetes.

Maternity Underwear (Male readers feel free to skip this one)

So, I tend to talk alot about the challenges of being pregnant and I thought it was time to say a few words about the rewards. There's feeling the baby move which is amazing, "the glow", having a great excuse to shop and decorate a room, the bond you suddenly feel to other women, being able to have cravings met more readily than ever before and the expansion of your bust line. Those are all great, but I think the biggest perk or shall we say trade off is no period for 9months.
When I first found out I was pregnant I was trying to make a list of positive things about pregnancy and that was the only thing on my list. Amenorrhea (absence of a menstrual period in a woman of reproductive age) has some obvious perks. I put away all that monthly paraphernalia that had been part of my existence and the contents of my purse since I was 13 with a sigh of relief. No more watching the weeks and planning my social life around my menstrual cycle. This, I thought, will be a long vacation.
Apparently, my mother's generation (or maybe just my mother herself) doesn't really have extensive underwear collections. I can tell you that I along with most of my friends have hundreds or pairs, much to our significant others' delight. I'm not talking fancy lingerie just your everyday stuff (although some of it is very pretty). I thought how amazing it would be to wear whichever pair I wanted without having to switch to granny panties for a week every month and was filled with glee. I didn't count on how quickly my expanding uterus would mean I could no longer comfortably wear any of the underwear I owned. I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks and by 11 weeks I needed new underwear.
The thought of going to Target and getting a $5 pack of white cotton granny panties was a miserable one for me. What is the point of having almost a year off from periods if you can't wear cute underwear? Maybe this is silly to some people, but I've always felt happier and more confident when I am wearing cute underwear. Plus all those pairs I already owned sitting idly by with an ever growing mound of my clothing was depressing and I think a lot of women are cheered up by cute new underwear. So instead of being responsible (which I was perfectly willing to do for maternity clothes) I went to Motherhood and got maternity bikini cut, hipsters and boy short maternity underwear. I am so glad I did. I wasn’t brave enough for maternity thongs although they’re apparently very popular. I still miss my pre-pregnancy stuff, but it's easier to cope with an expanding waistline and stretch marks on your ass with cute underwear (even if no one knows they're there, but me).

Pain & Pregnancy

In light of my LONG weekend and all the recent rainy weather I was thinking about my current pain level. You see, on any given day since the bus hit me my senior year of college I am constantly operating with a certain level of pain to contend with. It becomes white noise to me most of the time, but can range all the way to intolerable pain that makes it difficult to breathe depending on my activity level and the weather. For those of you lucky enough not to know, once a joint suffers a trauma it will forever after respond to damp or cold weather to some degree. This simple fact is a large part of why I left New York and moved to California. Basically I've got the cerebral palsy related stuff: bad balance, spasticity, tight muscles, swelling and pain with over use and on top of that the bus injury. In my senior year at BU a big yellow school bus turned onto Commonwealth Avenue and into me in the crosswalk. I took pretty much all the impact of that in my left hip. Now, back to the CP for a second my left hip never sat perfectly in the socket so this made it a particularly bad target for that kind of injury. Since the bus I have chronic bursitis (swelling of the bursa-the fluid filled sack that allows muscle to slid over bone) and my hip will occasionally pop right out of the socket (subluxation). I also twisted my back pretty good in the fall and have more inflammation and swelling than I had before. Got all that? I know you all wish you were me right about now.
Now let's add pregnancy to the mix. Aside from immediate stomach upset and crippling fatigue one of the first symptoms I had was horrible dizziness. Now add the dizziness to the bad balance and what do you think happened? You got it, I took a considerable spill in the shower just a few days to a week after I conceived. Also, when I get dizzy and fall I'm falling on inflamed joints and tissues. Fun stuff. Your body also releases special hormones to relax your tendons and open up your joints to prepare for an expanding uterus and eventual labor. Obviously, my hip joints didn't take very kindly to this at all. Besides the intermittent pain this process caused my hip just kept popping out of the socket. Rather annoying especially because it never did it in response to activity just when I was sitting quietly relaxing. I'd feel a pop and then burning and when I tried to stand up I wouldn't be able to bear weight. All of those interactions happened before any significant weight gain. After I started gaining weight my balance issues increased, the daily back pain levels increased and I started having swelling. The swelling was not in my hands and feet like it is for most pregnant women it was in my hip and knees. I also suspect, but don't know for sue that my spasticity has an effect on my contractions (how intensely I feel them and how long they persist). Now, toss in some summer Florida weather, rain, and the fact that I am not allowed to take anti-inflammatories (Advil, Alieve, etc), use an electric heating pad, have muscle relaxers or even go to yoga anymore and now you have an idea why I didn't want to carry a baby. It's a really good thing I'm tough. I know it'll be worth it in the end, but some days are more intolerable than others.

It Finally Happened

Recently, my mom pointed out my very first (and fingers crossed my last) stretch mark! Such a bummer. Well, I would just like to say no one told me to watch out for stretch marks on other places besides the belly and boobs. So, the unplseant surprise stretch mark on my butt was a complete shock. You heard it here ladies they pop up anywhere thighs, butt, belly, boobs...So, even coco buttering yourself head to toe and not gaining large amounts of weight does not pervent it. I can't freaking believe it.

Back to the Hospital

So, I had kind of a rough weekend. Friday I went to breakfast with my mom and I started feeling alot of pressure. We rushed home and I got in bed with my feet up. The pressure was intense and I could feel the baby really low. I wasn't having contractions, but that may have been the meds. I checked in with the OB Friday evening and all through Saturday it seemed to be getting better. This morning I woke up feeling great, but soon I had reason to believe my water had broken. So, with a quick call to Mom who was out of townfor the weekend and one to my OB I was heading back to the hospital.
The nurses’ exact words were "well, it sounds like your water broke." As soon as we arrived I started having contractions. They weren't very close together, but painful none the less. After an hour wait and two trips to the bathroom I finally got examined. They did all the usual tests and the litmus test did not show any amniotic fluid. My OB was just down the hall so she stopped by and did her own exam. She was worried I had a bacterial infection, but told me as long as the fFN came back negative and the ultrasound showed good amniotic fluid levels I could go home. Everything came back ok, so I'm back home continuing bed rest and anticontraction medicine. I follow-up with the OB next week.
It was a LONG day after a LONG weekend. I was pleading with the baby not to come in August. Even when it seemed clear I wasn't in labor there was still a chance I'd get admitted. I really, really hope I don't have to go there until at least September. So, I had to get a Big Mac value meal and Oreo McFlurry on the way home and now everything is a little better.

Pediatrician Interview

So, I got the okay from the OB to escape bed rest for a bit to go to my previously scheduled pediatrician interview. My mother has been a pediatric nurse for 20+yrs so I called her for referrals (she moved out of state almost 2yrs ago). She had a couple suggestions. She reminded me of a resident I met in her office while I was in high school that has had his own practice for 14yrs at this point, Dr. Salomon. How old am I? Anyway, when I called around to make the interview appt alot of offices were impossible to get through to and got crossed right off the list.
From the first phone call I was impressed. I got right through to a friendly, efficient and polite woman and was given a 15min appt to meet the doctor. When I got there I was greeted warmly given some cards so I had all the info and given directions to the ladies room just in case (that's how to take of pregnancy ladies).
Dr. Salomon was friendly and warm. He is the only doctor in the practice with a staff of 5 so everyone knows all the patients. No double booking, no walk ins, separate waiting area for newborns, doctor on call all weekend, phone questions answered within 30min. Dr. Salomon has 3 beautiful kids of his own. He talked to us for over an hour even though it was only supposed to be 15min. I really appreciate him talking the time to answer all of my questions thoroughly.

So, hurray the baby has a doctor!

Other People's Baby's are Amazing

So, I've always liked babies, who doesn't? In the beginning of my pregnancy I wasn't exactly repulsed by them or anything, but definitely apathetic. I think the turning point came when I started thinking of my baby less in terms of a stomach flu and more as a human being. Some time late in my 2nd trimester I suddenly couldn't get enough of other people's babies. I don't just visit with them and dote on them like I would have before I existed in a complete state of awe of them. They are amazing little miracles. I love them all in some small way that makes me wonder how overwhelming the flood of emotion will be when my own arrives.

Ivy, my cousin's daughters, and I a few years before my pregnancy


Mya, another cousin's daughter, and I a few months before I got pregnant

Corbin, my friends' son, and I at the beginning of my 7th month of pregnancy


Millianna and I, another friend's daughter. (7months pregnant)

Big Brother Moment

Last night my mother, Isaac and I were all haning out in my bedroom and my mom asked Isaac if he ever talked to the baby and here's what happened:

Isaac: "Hi, baby. I'm going to be your brother and you're going to be a sister. We're going to name you Pip. When you grow up a little bit I will teach you how to play with contructs."

Crib Bedding

     
So, I think that the crib looks great now that the bedding's finished. I love how happy and bright the fabric I picked for the bumpers is. Hurray! Too bad she won't sleep there for a while. Michael wants to go look at some flooring options tomorrow. We're so close to being able to fill in the nursery finished date in the baby book. It just keeps getting closer. I have a feeling she's more likely to be a virgo than a libra at this point, but we'll see.

It Was Like Christmas, Only Dustier

So, Mike had been telling me that he had saved some of Isaac's baby things and that he would check the attic to see what was up there. Judging by the destroyed stroller in the backyard and some of the cat pee stained baby clothes I had discovered in the laundry room I wasn't too hopeful about there being very much in good condition up there. The only thing he knew for sure he had was Isaac's white metal crib, which we'd already decided we’d send over to my dad's as a back up.  The rest was a mystery, but he thought he might have a baby swing.
A couple days ago he checked and there was the crib, a bouncer chair and a baby swing. The swing was by far the most exciting. For those of you who don't know they no longer make wind-up baby swings they're all battery operated now. All of my friends with babies complain about having to buy a pack of C batteries a week to keep the swings moving. So, aside from needing a cleaning and some new fabric we had our very own functional wind-up swing. Hurray! I was worried we wouldn't have one before the baby came. It had some blue teddy bear fabric and Michael used some great blue fabric with multicolored dragonflies I got from Joanne's to recover it. It looks really cute. I'll post pictures tonight.
The bouncer chair was pretty gross, but we were able to clean it and after some tweeking it was functional. Not long after we got a nicer hand-me-down bouncer chair so the one from the attic is destined for consignment, yay credit.
Michael also finished sewing the crib bumpers using this awesome yellow fabric with pink and purple dragonflies on it I found. They look amazing and we also got some crib sheets with our Target gift cards so the crib bedding is finished. I'll take pictures of that to post for you guys too. Now all that's left in the nursery is the floor and the only big item left is a highchair, but we’ve got time to for that.

Fairy Child

by Katie Calahan

The fairies dance in the light of your eyes and ride the breeze of your gentle sighs
Child of fairies
Baby so new
Blessed and beautiful and beloved are you
To us mortals you’ll be not a moment to soon and yet long overdue
Poet and scholar
Solider and muse
Eyes and hair of heavenly hues
Wonder of wonders
Light beyond the stars
My every wish I never knew I was wishing
Some celestial secret prayer
The softest and sweetest eternal part of me
Sharer of my body and soul for moments unmatched
Sparkling, shimmering love of my life

Jail Break

I escaped twice this week. I went to the park and laid on a blanket for a bit just to be outside, which was amazing except for the bugs. My big exciting outing was on Saturday night I went for my maternity photo session. I was so excited.

I put an ad on Craigslist about a month ago looking for a photographer to take some maternity photos in exchange for being able to use the photos for their portfolio/advertising, etc. I had a lot of responses from male photographers whose entire portfolios were composed of half naked porn women. Why someone like that was interested in branching out into maternity photography is beyond me. Eventually I had a response from a woman in Largo who had up until that point been doing pet photography and wanted to start doing maternity and newborn photos. She was happy to take my photos in exchange for having the right to use them on her site and promotional material. After having shown Michael some of the portfolios with half naked girls in the jungle, etc I asked him at some point to mark the calendar for Saturday the 1st at 7pm. I told him to just write “Mat. Photos”. He misunderstood and asked “Are you sure you want some guy named Matt taking these?” I thought that was so funny! “No honey, mat as in short for maternity.”She wasn't what I expected, but I think she had the same feeling about me. I did send her my picture and describe my tiny build to her in an email so she'd know what she was getting herself into. One of her first comments was "Boy you are tiny. How can we make you look bigger?" She was a very petite blonde herself and at one point remarked "I've never seen anyone my size pregnant before." We met at a park and got some great last light of the day shots. Not to worry I took the wheelchair and didn't walk a single step. Michael played photographers’ assistant and held the reflector most of the time we were at the park, but he did join me in a couple shots too.

When we started really losing the light and the humidity was too much we headed to her nearby air conditioned studio. That part was really fun too. We did some lying on my side, some with a message on my belly and a couple with Mike holding my belly. She was good, but definitely new to working with people. Mike was watching and interjecting "move your hair out of your face" or "unfurrow your brow", etc which not only didn't seem to annoy her but actually emboldened her a bit.

She'll be editing for a few days, but I should be able to see them midweek. She's going to send me a cd of all the images and a postcard featuring my photo (one of the ones where I'm wearing a shirt I've been assured) to give to my pregnant friends. I'm so grateful I got to do it. I wanted something special to remember my one and only pregnancy and besides the bedrest limitations I was really nervous I wouldn't make it this far in my pregnancy or have the means to make it happen (those sessions range from $300-600). Hurray, resourcefulness! Hurray, having my picture taken! Hurray for my big old belly!

Also, I was just looking at one of my countdowns today and the baby will be here in 60 days at the most! Can you believe it? It's almost over. Talk about mixed emotions.

Rebecca Brittain Photography

Jamie Gress Photography