We started talking about names of potential future kids early on in our relationship the way you do when you're young and with someone new. We had decided early on if we had a little girl she'd be Serenity Wysteria. The moment I got pregnant I lost all love for that name. I chalk it up to an instinct that this baby just wouldn't be suited to it.
So, it was back to square one with girl names which I figured would be fun because there are so many options. We switched gears and discussed boy names at that point and Megatron Batman was our favorite to joke about, but never actually a practical option. We liked Simon Oliver, but I hit on Maverick and that was that. We were completely sold. I used to drive home from work picturing my little Maverick and I could see him so clearly. I think I was in love with him even then. I liked the name because it's different and sounds strong, but most importantly because it means "fiercely independent." It came to mean that because there was a cattle rancher with that surname who refused to brand his cattle. Cool stuff. With that decided it was back to girl names...
I threw out hundreds of ideas which were dismissed out of hand like Gracie or Lucy. Michael had negative associations with or just found most of my ideas ugly. I remembered that once I had looked up the meaning of my sister's name, Jessie, and found an alternative suggestion was the name Jessalyn. I always thought that was beautiful and very feminine. It still means "gift from god or woman of wealth" depending on whether you go with Greek or Latin. Mike liked it too and from our mutual love of Greek Mythology we decided Eris, the goddess of discord, would make a beautiful middle name for Jessalyn. I can just imagine our beautiful sneaky little Jessalyn Eris. It was great, but maybe not the one. I had been talking about my little fairy baby and Mike found the name Aerilyn which means "beautiful air" and sounded like a consort of Maab, queen of the fairies, to me. Middle names were tricky on that one Eris certainly wouldn't do. We then discovered that Sapphire not only refers to the blue gem stone, but also means "of Saturn" the Greek god of earth. So she would be beautiful air belonging to the earth. I just worry that people would forever say you mean Carolyn or Marilyn? So, one day I happened to mention my friend had a daughter named Riley and to my great surprise Mike said "I like that." So I looked it up and Riley very literally means "a clearing in the rye", but also means "courageous woman." Now I loved it, but again Eris wasn't the best choice for middle name and I came across another friend with a child named Grey and thought Riley Grey was really nice. I like what we had so far, but kept searching and it turns out we both like Violet and thought maybe Violet Eris or Violet Wyllow would be pretty.
Family and friends are pretty evenly divided between Riley and Jessalyn for the most part and I have some minor issues with both. I don't mind my daughter's name being similar to my sister's but don't really want anyone to think that's why I picked it. Also Jessalyn is so unique and pretty and everyone would call her Jess or Jessie. The issue with Riley is it becoming more and more common. So, the other night Mike suggested Rylyn, which I love because it's a compromise between the two. Pretty and different and not so likely to be shortened. There was just one problem there Rylyn doesn't go with our last name at all. No good. Bummer.
Also adding to the problem of committing is that Mike insists we see her first and then decide. He claims that's what they did with Isaac. Well, it makes me nervous that we'll see her and still won't know. Our friend said when her son was born they had narrowed it down to a few names and none of them seemed right. They decided to take him home and think about it. The nurse however would not let them leave without a name on the birth certificate. They didn't know what to do and while they were thinking about it her husband pointed out that he had a crooked nose. So, Cameron had a name, Cameron means crooked nose. It really does suit him. It's such a great story.
The other thing I don't like about waiting is I don't know what to call her. She, her, baby, little one, pumpkin all work, but I want her to have an identity. It just seems so important to make sure it's the right name that suits her personality, has a good meaning and looks and sounds good. Hopefully we'll find "the one" soon.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Going Home Outfit
My yet unnamed little pumpkin probably won't actually be an October baby, but it will still be fall so I wanted something festive to bring her home in. Here's what I picked, the ruffles are on the butt side I just turned it around so you could see them.
Isn't it cute?
Isn't it cute?
Monday, July 27, 2009
29 Week Appointment
So, I had to fast after midnight last night. That's right 7 months pregnant and no breakfast. I had 5 minutes to drink a large cup of what tasted like very flat orange soda and then in an hour later they would draw my blood to see if my body was breaking down sugar correctly. Yippee!
Most of the hour was taken up by my exam. We discussed the contractions I'd had while on the anti-contractions meds. The OB double checked my cervix and told me the baby's head was really low. I guess she's already assuming the position. My meds stay the same which is a bummer, but I was most afraid of an increased dose. Also, bed rest continues at least until 34wks (that's 5wks from now), but there is a good chance I'll stay on it until I deliver. She did give me the okay for short trips out of the house under very specific circumstances so that's something.
Today was also the day for signing the consent for my tubal ligation. Apparently they're required to try and talk you out of it if you’re under 30 especially if this is your first baby. 25-28yr olds have a high rate of tubal regret. However, I'd done my research and considered my options so I listened to her speech and signed the form with no hesitation. It's a real relief to have that done. The other thing I was hoping would happen was that I'd get my c-section date, but that we have to wait 2 weeks. So, there's that to look forward to.
After the exam I had 30min to kill before they could draw my blood to complete the gestational diabetes test. I was incredibly nauseous at that point and worried I was going to loose it in the last 5min and have to repeat the test. I made it though, just barely. After the blood draw I was too dizzy to stand and the hot nauseous feeling over took me. I guess that's why they say not to give blood on an empty stomach. I thought ahead enough to bring snacks for as soon as the test was over so I popped some crackers and breathed a sigh of relief. It'll be two weeks until I hear the results.
Most of the hour was taken up by my exam. We discussed the contractions I'd had while on the anti-contractions meds. The OB double checked my cervix and told me the baby's head was really low. I guess she's already assuming the position. My meds stay the same which is a bummer, but I was most afraid of an increased dose. Also, bed rest continues at least until 34wks (that's 5wks from now), but there is a good chance I'll stay on it until I deliver. She did give me the okay for short trips out of the house under very specific circumstances so that's something.
Today was also the day for signing the consent for my tubal ligation. Apparently they're required to try and talk you out of it if you’re under 30 especially if this is your first baby. 25-28yr olds have a high rate of tubal regret. However, I'd done my research and considered my options so I listened to her speech and signed the form with no hesitation. It's a real relief to have that done. The other thing I was hoping would happen was that I'd get my c-section date, but that we have to wait 2 weeks. So, there's that to look forward to.
After the exam I had 30min to kill before they could draw my blood to complete the gestational diabetes test. I was incredibly nauseous at that point and worried I was going to loose it in the last 5min and have to repeat the test. I made it though, just barely. After the blood draw I was too dizzy to stand and the hot nauseous feeling over took me. I guess that's why they say not to give blood on an empty stomach. I thought ahead enough to bring snacks for as soon as the test was over so I popped some crackers and breathed a sigh of relief. It'll be two weeks until I hear the results.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Old Wives Tales
I'm not very superstitious, but I love hearing the root of all those silly age old beliefs. When it comes to babies and their gender there's a ton of them.
For example, they used to believe that one ovary released male eggs and the other released female ones so you should lay on your left to conceive a girl. Funny when you consider the age old beliefs about good and evil as they relate to left and right. Even in relatively modern times there are theatres where the hero always enters stage right and the villain stage left. Apparently, the Latin word for left is the same as the word for unlucky. The poor, fairer sex I guess. They also say that if you put a wooden spoon under the bed you'll conceive a girl. Not sure where that gets its roots perhaps it's something to do with the feminine traditionally being connected to the domestic. They also say putting a pink ribbon under your pillow will do the trick. I think it’s just a physical symbol of your wish.
Once the baby has been conceived there are supposed to be tell tale signs you're carrying a girl. The idea that you carry low for a boy and high for a girl or that girl babies rob their mothers of their beauty are some of the sillier ones I've heard. Obviously, how the baby sits has everything to do with the baby's size, how your uterus sits to begin with and your body type. There's also the massively popular belief that girls heart rates are above 140 and boys are below. Nothing to that one, babies' heart rates are as individual and effected by various stimuli as adults are. A baby girl's heart rate is usually faster than a boy's, but only after the onset of labor. They also say women carrying boys crave salty foods and women carrying girls crave sweets. This one makes me think of the nursery rhyme "sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of." The truth is a pregnant woman's appetite and cravings are very changeable and no basis for gender guessing.
Now there are some they may have a basis in fact. Like the idea that women carrying girls have a worse time with morning sickness. While hormone regulation is very unique thing from woman to woman there is some truth to the idea that all the excess estrogen makes you extra queasy. I found that one to be pretty apt. There's also the idea that if you're carrying a girl your partner will gain weight with you. Now, Mike started putting it on long before I got pregnant, but he had a significant increase in appetite during the beginning of my pregnancy. Estrogen again, apparently it's released somehow and according to some pregnant ladies causes their husbands to experience pregnancy symptoms. It's also possible it's just new daddy stress.
For example, they used to believe that one ovary released male eggs and the other released female ones so you should lay on your left to conceive a girl. Funny when you consider the age old beliefs about good and evil as they relate to left and right. Even in relatively modern times there are theatres where the hero always enters stage right and the villain stage left. Apparently, the Latin word for left is the same as the word for unlucky. The poor, fairer sex I guess. They also say that if you put a wooden spoon under the bed you'll conceive a girl. Not sure where that gets its roots perhaps it's something to do with the feminine traditionally being connected to the domestic. They also say putting a pink ribbon under your pillow will do the trick. I think it’s just a physical symbol of your wish.
Once the baby has been conceived there are supposed to be tell tale signs you're carrying a girl. The idea that you carry low for a boy and high for a girl or that girl babies rob their mothers of their beauty are some of the sillier ones I've heard. Obviously, how the baby sits has everything to do with the baby's size, how your uterus sits to begin with and your body type. There's also the massively popular belief that girls heart rates are above 140 and boys are below. Nothing to that one, babies' heart rates are as individual and effected by various stimuli as adults are. A baby girl's heart rate is usually faster than a boy's, but only after the onset of labor. They also say women carrying boys crave salty foods and women carrying girls crave sweets. This one makes me think of the nursery rhyme "sugar and spice and everything nice, that's what little girls are made of." The truth is a pregnant woman's appetite and cravings are very changeable and no basis for gender guessing.
Now there are some they may have a basis in fact. Like the idea that women carrying girls have a worse time with morning sickness. While hormone regulation is very unique thing from woman to woman there is some truth to the idea that all the excess estrogen makes you extra queasy. I found that one to be pretty apt. There's also the idea that if you're carrying a girl your partner will gain weight with you. Now, Mike started putting it on long before I got pregnant, but he had a significant increase in appetite during the beginning of my pregnancy. Estrogen again, apparently it's released somehow and according to some pregnant ladies causes their husbands to experience pregnancy symptoms. It's also possible it's just new daddy stress.
A Much Needed Bed Rest Vent
I am not going to spend a paragraph apologizing for my feelings, that's all they are my very valid emotional response to a difficult situation. I am not mad at anyone or trying to solicit sympathy. I need to write it out and hopefully let go of some of it and maybe someone will find themselves here and take comfort in remembering that someone else felt this way.
I was doing pretty well with being confined to bed for a while, but at some point after the baby shower I realized that although I could make a list of baby stuff left to get I couldn't go spend the gift cards to get those items. That was the first moment leaving the house seemed so important and I wished, as prepared as I was, that I'd done more sooner. I mean, am I supposed to just send Michael to Target with a list and hope he doesn't get frustrated and give up on his least favorite task? Especially when it was something I was so looking forward to. I have no answer.
The list of things I was looking forward to goes on and on...free professional maternity photos, my best friend's wedding and bridal shower, the tour of the maternity ward, taking Isaac to his first day of first grade, a trip somewhere with just Michael and I before the baby (or even an evening or two to ourselves), The Time Traveler's Wife coming to theaters, and paying off my car. It's overwhelmingly depressing. Michael keeps pointing out the once or twice I got up and did the dishes, etc and then had contractions later. Where I agree the physical labor of housework was a mistake how can sitting calmly in the car, enjoying some good company and coming back home to bed so terrible?
This weekend was the worst by far. I was supposed to have a visitor on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it all week and in the end she couldn't make it at the last minute. Ordinarily, I'd reschedule and move on with life, but I couldn't see straight I was so disappointed. It was like all my hope of getting through this with my mind in tact left me. On top of that I waited months for my amazing birthday present of an adult night out to see a play. I can count the number of dates Michael I have been on since we've been together on one hand. I'd been insisting since I got pregnant that we take a trip just the two of us (or get someone to watch Isaac for a night or two) before the baby and it never happened. Now even if we get alone time we can’t really take advantage of it. Bed rest is not very romantic. I know if we can't find time to go out as a couple now and then with a 6yr old it will never happen with a newborn. I knew we'd have obstacles because Michael has Isaac, but I didn't think we'd have so little time alone. I can't imagine the next 18yrs being this way. I was so looking forward to our night out this weekend especially since I haven't done or even seen live theater since I came to Florida. I didn't think the reality of it would hurt so badly. In the end it represented all the things I've given up to be here, all the parts of my life before I miss desperately and all the things about my immediate and distant future that scare me.
On top of everything else I am a few short months from owning the car I've been making payments on for 4yrs and I'm behind. I explained that I was on bed rest and waiting for SSI payments. You would think in this economy they'd rather cut me some slack than repossess my car. I made several phone calls and had worked out a deal that would lower my payments and give until the end of August to make the next payment. I was so relieved and then they called again and said without a payment they couldn't promise my car wouldn't get repossessed before then. What the hell? I demanded a supervisor and explained what I had been told 48hrs earlier. She was all apologies and cut the requested payment in half, but I still don't have it. No matter what some people think, I am about to have a baby I have to be able to get around while Michael's working. I am not physically capable of schlepping two kids on and off the bus and hiking from bus stops. Beyond that we're talking about the last piece of my life before. It’s my first car and I got it with no help and paid on it for 4yrs I can't handle the idea of loosing it. What more can I do from bed?
How much of me will it have cost in the end? I believe in my baby, she's strong. I don't want to be a weak, broken emotional disaster when she comes into the world. I want to go somewhere, talk to someone, fix things, prepare and I can't even go into the kitchen. Please don't misunderstand, I know it will be ok. It has to be, but I've always done everything myself and to be completely dependent on others is a very sole crushing feeling.
Maybe the answers will all be clear tomorrow, but for today it's all questions.
I was doing pretty well with being confined to bed for a while, but at some point after the baby shower I realized that although I could make a list of baby stuff left to get I couldn't go spend the gift cards to get those items. That was the first moment leaving the house seemed so important and I wished, as prepared as I was, that I'd done more sooner. I mean, am I supposed to just send Michael to Target with a list and hope he doesn't get frustrated and give up on his least favorite task? Especially when it was something I was so looking forward to. I have no answer.
The list of things I was looking forward to goes on and on...free professional maternity photos, my best friend's wedding and bridal shower, the tour of the maternity ward, taking Isaac to his first day of first grade, a trip somewhere with just Michael and I before the baby (or even an evening or two to ourselves), The Time Traveler's Wife coming to theaters, and paying off my car. It's overwhelmingly depressing. Michael keeps pointing out the once or twice I got up and did the dishes, etc and then had contractions later. Where I agree the physical labor of housework was a mistake how can sitting calmly in the car, enjoying some good company and coming back home to bed so terrible?
This weekend was the worst by far. I was supposed to have a visitor on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it all week and in the end she couldn't make it at the last minute. Ordinarily, I'd reschedule and move on with life, but I couldn't see straight I was so disappointed. It was like all my hope of getting through this with my mind in tact left me. On top of that I waited months for my amazing birthday present of an adult night out to see a play. I can count the number of dates Michael I have been on since we've been together on one hand. I'd been insisting since I got pregnant that we take a trip just the two of us (or get someone to watch Isaac for a night or two) before the baby and it never happened. Now even if we get alone time we can’t really take advantage of it. Bed rest is not very romantic. I know if we can't find time to go out as a couple now and then with a 6yr old it will never happen with a newborn. I knew we'd have obstacles because Michael has Isaac, but I didn't think we'd have so little time alone. I can't imagine the next 18yrs being this way. I was so looking forward to our night out this weekend especially since I haven't done or even seen live theater since I came to Florida. I didn't think the reality of it would hurt so badly. In the end it represented all the things I've given up to be here, all the parts of my life before I miss desperately and all the things about my immediate and distant future that scare me.
On top of everything else I am a few short months from owning the car I've been making payments on for 4yrs and I'm behind. I explained that I was on bed rest and waiting for SSI payments. You would think in this economy they'd rather cut me some slack than repossess my car. I made several phone calls and had worked out a deal that would lower my payments and give until the end of August to make the next payment. I was so relieved and then they called again and said without a payment they couldn't promise my car wouldn't get repossessed before then. What the hell? I demanded a supervisor and explained what I had been told 48hrs earlier. She was all apologies and cut the requested payment in half, but I still don't have it. No matter what some people think, I am about to have a baby I have to be able to get around while Michael's working. I am not physically capable of schlepping two kids on and off the bus and hiking from bus stops. Beyond that we're talking about the last piece of my life before. It’s my first car and I got it with no help and paid on it for 4yrs I can't handle the idea of loosing it. What more can I do from bed?
How much of me will it have cost in the end? I believe in my baby, she's strong. I don't want to be a weak, broken emotional disaster when she comes into the world. I want to go somewhere, talk to someone, fix things, prepare and I can't even go into the kitchen. Please don't misunderstand, I know it will be ok. It has to be, but I've always done everything myself and to be completely dependent on others is a very sole crushing feeling.
Maybe the answers will all be clear tomorrow, but for today it's all questions.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
More Than One Way to Say it
There's so many slang terms and phrases for being pregnant I'd thought just for fun I'd explore them.
1.Knocked up-this is probably my least favorite, but totally obvious. Although it does sound, if taken literally, like you've been beaten up when you think about it.
2.Bun in the Oven-oven=womb, easy enough.
3.The rabbit died-this is a rather out-dated one, but very interesting. It has to do with the way they used to test for pregnancy in the time before First Response. In the late 1920's HCG, the pregnancy hormone, was discovered. Doctors would take a urine sample and inject into a rabbit and wait for "results", poor bunnies.
4.In the family way-speaks for itself in a lame pregnancy and sex aren't spoken about 1950's kind of way.
5.Her eggo is peggo-pithy little rhyming quote from the movie "Juno."
6.Up the duff (or in the pudding club)-this is another old one. Apparently duff is a pudding and was at some point slang for semen.
7.With Child-um, duh.
8.Expecting-duh, again
9.Wearing her apron high-sounds like another 50's housewife who's not one to gossip, but...to me
10.Incubating/gestating-very literal
11.Harboring a uterine parasite-a modern idea of "funny"
12.Tin roof rusted-yup, apparently that line from "Love Shack" by the B-52's means pregnant.
13.Eating for two-this one is one of the most fun to say to people when you're on the smaller side.
14.On stork watch-like mother animals in Disney movies!
15.Up the spout-sounds like a take off of "up the duff" to me. Apparently it's a British expression for ruined
16.Trout in the well-they do flop around like fish in there, but I have no further explanation.
17.Preggolicious-a vivid indication that pop culture is retarded.
18.Preggers-popular with the people determined to further the disintegration of the English language. OMG it's easier to text "mom I'm preggers." than type it all out, kwim?
19.Keith Cheggars-this is cockney slang for pregnant. It's based on rhyme (like for those of you who saw Oceans Eleven-"we're in Barney. Rubble. Trouble."). Cheggers rhymes with preggers.
20.Pulling the goalie-it is what it sounds like, to stop using birth control.
Way to go me (and Google) I was hoping to make an even 20! I hope everyone learned a little something or at least had a good laugh, I know I did.
1.Knocked up-this is probably my least favorite, but totally obvious. Although it does sound, if taken literally, like you've been beaten up when you think about it.
2.Bun in the Oven-oven=womb, easy enough.
3.The rabbit died-this is a rather out-dated one, but very interesting. It has to do with the way they used to test for pregnancy in the time before First Response. In the late 1920's HCG, the pregnancy hormone, was discovered. Doctors would take a urine sample and inject into a rabbit and wait for "results", poor bunnies.
4.In the family way-speaks for itself in a lame pregnancy and sex aren't spoken about 1950's kind of way.
5.Her eggo is peggo-pithy little rhyming quote from the movie "Juno."
6.Up the duff (or in the pudding club)-this is another old one. Apparently duff is a pudding and was at some point slang for semen.
7.With Child-um, duh.
8.Expecting-duh, again
9.Wearing her apron high-sounds like another 50's housewife who's not one to gossip, but...to me
10.Incubating/gestating-very literal
11.Harboring a uterine parasite-a modern idea of "funny"
12.Tin roof rusted-yup, apparently that line from "Love Shack" by the B-52's means pregnant.
13.Eating for two-this one is one of the most fun to say to people when you're on the smaller side.
14.On stork watch-like mother animals in Disney movies!
15.Up the spout-sounds like a take off of "up the duff" to me. Apparently it's a British expression for ruined
16.Trout in the well-they do flop around like fish in there, but I have no further explanation.
17.Preggolicious-a vivid indication that pop culture is retarded.
18.Preggers-popular with the people determined to further the disintegration of the English language. OMG it's easier to text "mom I'm preggers." than type it all out, kwim?
19.Keith Cheggars-this is cockney slang for pregnant. It's based on rhyme (like for those of you who saw Oceans Eleven-"we're in Barney. Rubble. Trouble."). Cheggers rhymes with preggers.
20.Pulling the goalie-it is what it sounds like, to stop using birth control.
Way to go me (and Google) I was hoping to make an even 20! I hope everyone learned a little something or at least had a good laugh, I know I did.
It's A Girl
I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but waaaaaaaaaay back in, probably, November Isaac was sitting at the dining room table eating his cereal and out of nowhere he said "Katie has to stay in bed because she's growing a baby." Michael and I were stunned and then Michael asked him if he had a dream and he said "yeah." Then Michael added "was it a girl baby or a boy baby?" and very matter-of-factly Isaac replied "a girl" (in a tone which implied this was common knowledge). Michael grinned ear to ear at this and I replied "don't even think about it." Of course I forgot all about the incident until a few months into my pregnancy and then I started to wonder if he knew something I didn't.
When Michael and I were first exploring the idea of a relationship (and I was trying to wrap my head around him having a child already) I asked if he wanted anymore kids. At that point his answer of "probably not" was met with relief on my end. After we'd been together a while we discussed the remote possibility of someday after we got married maybe having a baby Michael had said "I want us to have a little girl and I want her to look just like you."
We actually had two ultrasounds during the time when you can tell the gender, one at the doctor's office and a private one. The one at the doctor's office was surreal. There she was a real baby not just some tiny gummy bear. A tiny person with fingers and toes. I remember tearing up. All the news was good, she was healthy as expected and surprisingly I was holding up just fine and fibroid free. It was memorable, but nowhere near as exciting and emotionally charged as the second one.
We went to this place in called Ultra Babies. I was so excited I could barely sleep and even though I wanted a girl at this point I was beyond excited just to know. I also figured if it was a boy I already had an awesome name picked out. Michael, no matter what he says, was a ball of nerves. I've NEVER seen him so anxious before. He looked startled and pale as a ghost. When we arrived I was thoroughly impressed with how nice the place was. The waiting room looked like the lobby of a nice hotel. The women who worked there very efficiently checked us in and got us all a beverage. Then we sent Isaac off to the playroom, which he still talks about! We were in the smaller of the two ultrasound rooms and the cozy table and dim lighting made it feel very intimate. I remember her zooming around my belly with the wand and waiting for the baby to come into focus on the screen in front of us. All the sudden there she was moving and kicking like crazy (but I couldn't really feel it yet). After a little while the sonographer zoomed in on the area in question and concentrated for moment. She pointed an arrow on the screen at where we needed to look and then stood up with a huge grin and Vanna White style gestured to the screen. I'm pretty sure Michael and I were holding our breath and then after what felt like hours (in reality it was a few seconds) he asked "what is it?" and sonographer said “what does it look like?" He replied “is it…” to which she answered “a girl!" At that moment all the air returned to my lungs and Michael asked "how sure are you? Like as far percentage?" to which she laughed and said "110%"
It was wonderful. We had our girl. I was so excited I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. My face started to ache from smiling. Michael and I held hands and stared at her for a bit. On the way home I insisted on ice cream, but as it was a Sunday afternoon nowhere was open. We went to Publix and got pink ice cream, cherry chocolate chip. We went home and quickly celebrated over pink ice cream with our last big secret of the pregnancy.
When Michael and I were first exploring the idea of a relationship (and I was trying to wrap my head around him having a child already) I asked if he wanted anymore kids. At that point his answer of "probably not" was met with relief on my end. After we'd been together a while we discussed the remote possibility of someday after we got married maybe having a baby Michael had said "I want us to have a little girl and I want her to look just like you."
We actually had two ultrasounds during the time when you can tell the gender, one at the doctor's office and a private one. The one at the doctor's office was surreal. There she was a real baby not just some tiny gummy bear. A tiny person with fingers and toes. I remember tearing up. All the news was good, she was healthy as expected and surprisingly I was holding up just fine and fibroid free. It was memorable, but nowhere near as exciting and emotionally charged as the second one.
We went to this place in called Ultra Babies. I was so excited I could barely sleep and even though I wanted a girl at this point I was beyond excited just to know. I also figured if it was a boy I already had an awesome name picked out. Michael, no matter what he says, was a ball of nerves. I've NEVER seen him so anxious before. He looked startled and pale as a ghost. When we arrived I was thoroughly impressed with how nice the place was. The waiting room looked like the lobby of a nice hotel. The women who worked there very efficiently checked us in and got us all a beverage. Then we sent Isaac off to the playroom, which he still talks about! We were in the smaller of the two ultrasound rooms and the cozy table and dim lighting made it feel very intimate. I remember her zooming around my belly with the wand and waiting for the baby to come into focus on the screen in front of us. All the sudden there she was moving and kicking like crazy (but I couldn't really feel it yet). After a little while the sonographer zoomed in on the area in question and concentrated for moment. She pointed an arrow on the screen at where we needed to look and then stood up with a huge grin and Vanna White style gestured to the screen. I'm pretty sure Michael and I were holding our breath and then after what felt like hours (in reality it was a few seconds) he asked "what is it?" and sonographer said “what does it look like?" He replied “is it…” to which she answered “a girl!" At that moment all the air returned to my lungs and Michael asked "how sure are you? Like as far percentage?" to which she laughed and said "110%"
It was wonderful. We had our girl. I was so excited I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. My face started to ache from smiling. Michael and I held hands and stared at her for a bit. On the way home I insisted on ice cream, but as it was a Sunday afternoon nowhere was open. We went to Publix and got pink ice cream, cherry chocolate chip. We went home and quickly celebrated over pink ice cream with our last big secret of the pregnancy.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Out of Control
So, I've never been able to trust my body to do what it's supposed to/what I want it to at any given point. I knew that pregnancy would be no different. In fact, I spent most of my life thinking that I would never experience it. I've always loved kids and am naturally maternal, but you don't have to bear children to be a mother. In fact, it wasn't very long ago that, after a year of biopsies. and an unsuccessful LEEP procedure, I was begging for a hysterectomy! I was sure I would never need my uterus and it certainly wasn't worth the grief it was causing. Alas, in your twenties no matter what you say (unless you're going to die in the next 10min) they just don't do that. When I called that same doctor to see if she would treat me during this pregnancy I fully expected an "I told you so."
I knew it would be a hard road, but there was no way to know exactly what to expect. The beginning was awful, but it had everything to do with the overnight shift I was working and my long standing sensitivity to hormone fluctuations. In fact, most women I know that are on the tiny side had rough first trimesters. I think our bodies don't absorb all those hormones as well. Even the severe morning sickness was pretty "normal". In my first trimester, the only issue caused by disability’s interaction with the pregnancy was that my bad hip kept popping out of the socket.
Between the fact that things had been pretty "normal" and I was feeling so much better by the second trimester I felt confident I wouldn’t experience any major complications until delivery. Wrong. I thought I'd have another month before my mobility was limited due to the extra weight on my bad joints and my poor balance. What I had was a couple days until contractions landed me on bed rest. Now, whether that has something to do with my CP I'm not sure. It's possible that it is just the scar tissue in my cervix and uterus coupled with the fact that I have always had a physical reaction to severe stress. Even so the spasticity from the CP can't be helpful when you're trying to prevent a muscle from tightening.
So, now just like every time I had surgery growing up (13 times from ages 3-18) I am stuck in bed, dependent on others and hating every second of it. One day you can go anywhere you want and the next day the kitchen is off limits. It messes with your head. I'm a very social person and I need to be doing something/feeling productive. I've come up with a few things here and there to keep myself busy (and I'll keep you all posted if anything comes of them), but 16 days into bed rest and I already feel like it's been a month. Michael brought me the SIMs to pass the time, but I haven't installed it yet. It's amazing how many ways you can find to avoid sleeping when you're in bed all day.
So, I have no control over my body (as usual) and my day to day decisions at this point include which position to lie in next and whether or not to sleep and I know that while my physical freedom will improve once this little girl comes I will be subject to her demands so maybe I should try to get used to it now.
I knew it would be a hard road, but there was no way to know exactly what to expect. The beginning was awful, but it had everything to do with the overnight shift I was working and my long standing sensitivity to hormone fluctuations. In fact, most women I know that are on the tiny side had rough first trimesters. I think our bodies don't absorb all those hormones as well. Even the severe morning sickness was pretty "normal". In my first trimester, the only issue caused by disability’s interaction with the pregnancy was that my bad hip kept popping out of the socket.
Between the fact that things had been pretty "normal" and I was feeling so much better by the second trimester I felt confident I wouldn’t experience any major complications until delivery. Wrong. I thought I'd have another month before my mobility was limited due to the extra weight on my bad joints and my poor balance. What I had was a couple days until contractions landed me on bed rest. Now, whether that has something to do with my CP I'm not sure. It's possible that it is just the scar tissue in my cervix and uterus coupled with the fact that I have always had a physical reaction to severe stress. Even so the spasticity from the CP can't be helpful when you're trying to prevent a muscle from tightening.
So, now just like every time I had surgery growing up (13 times from ages 3-18) I am stuck in bed, dependent on others and hating every second of it. One day you can go anywhere you want and the next day the kitchen is off limits. It messes with your head. I'm a very social person and I need to be doing something/feeling productive. I've come up with a few things here and there to keep myself busy (and I'll keep you all posted if anything comes of them), but 16 days into bed rest and I already feel like it's been a month. Michael brought me the SIMs to pass the time, but I haven't installed it yet. It's amazing how many ways you can find to avoid sleeping when you're in bed all day.
So, I have no control over my body (as usual) and my day to day decisions at this point include which position to lie in next and whether or not to sleep and I know that while my physical freedom will improve once this little girl comes I will be subject to her demands so maybe I should try to get used to it now.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Mallory Dreams
I've talked about dreams before, but these are a very specific kind. Dreams about Michael's ex. I've heard other pregnant women talk about dreaming about their husbands cheating on them with their ex-wives/girlfriends while they are pregnant, but that's not it.
The first time I dreamt I was home with Isaac and two other small children I was babysitting while I was pregnant. Michael was there too and then he was just gone. I looked for him everywhere and had no way to reach him. I was furious. I chased the kids around getting them changed and fed all by myself and when he did come home he was with Mallory. Not what I imagine she looks like now after 3 babies and jail, but high school era Mallory. They were joking and laughing and having a great time. I was so mad that he'd just leave to go get her and then bring her to our house! Well a little while later I notice they're gone. This time I waited about 30 mins and then tried to reach him on his cell phone and he answered. "I was gonna bring Mallory home." He says. He just left to drive to an hoour back to her house without saying a word. When I asked when he'll be back he says they're just leaving (they left our house over a 30 mins ago!) from somewhere to take her home. I remind him that Isaac has an appointment 45mins away and we have to be in Tampa in a few hours. He had forgotten. That's when I woke up and punched Mike in the arm for being a jerk in my dream.
Not long after I had the first one I dreamt that Mike and I were in bed together and Mallory just climbed in with us. We got her to leave the room, but a few minutes later she was back. It went on like that for a while. Very strange. Michael thinks it's totally weird that I dream about her since I've seen video and pictures of his more recent ex. I think it has something to do with Mallory being the other girl he had a baby with. There's also the fact that she's pregnant again which I think about a lot because pregnancy means so much to me and seems so meaningless to her. Also, no other person has the power to be as disruptive to our lives as she does.
It's strange. I think I just wanted to write about it and see if it made anymore sense. Maybe it does and also knowing Mike will be seeing her this week to finish the final custody paperwork changes makes me wonder if I'll have more...
The first time I dreamt I was home with Isaac and two other small children I was babysitting while I was pregnant. Michael was there too and then he was just gone. I looked for him everywhere and had no way to reach him. I was furious. I chased the kids around getting them changed and fed all by myself and when he did come home he was with Mallory. Not what I imagine she looks like now after 3 babies and jail, but high school era Mallory. They were joking and laughing and having a great time. I was so mad that he'd just leave to go get her and then bring her to our house! Well a little while later I notice they're gone. This time I waited about 30 mins and then tried to reach him on his cell phone and he answered. "I was gonna bring Mallory home." He says. He just left to drive to an hoour back to her house without saying a word. When I asked when he'll be back he says they're just leaving (they left our house over a 30 mins ago!) from somewhere to take her home. I remind him that Isaac has an appointment 45mins away and we have to be in Tampa in a few hours. He had forgotten. That's when I woke up and punched Mike in the arm for being a jerk in my dream.
Not long after I had the first one I dreamt that Mike and I were in bed together and Mallory just climbed in with us. We got her to leave the room, but a few minutes later she was back. It went on like that for a while. Very strange. Michael thinks it's totally weird that I dream about her since I've seen video and pictures of his more recent ex. I think it has something to do with Mallory being the other girl he had a baby with. There's also the fact that she's pregnant again which I think about a lot because pregnancy means so much to me and seems so meaningless to her. Also, no other person has the power to be as disruptive to our lives as she does.
It's strange. I think I just wanted to write about it and see if it made anymore sense. Maybe it does and also knowing Mike will be seeing her this week to finish the final custody paperwork changes makes me wonder if I'll have more...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The Mobile
One of the first baby items I looked at was mobiles. That particular web browsing adventure left me incredibly frustrated. Everything faced the wrong direction, was drab and boring or just ugly. So, I asked Doreen if she could help me. I showed her one of two to give her an idea of what I liked, but pretty much I just specified something bright and colorful with dragonflies. I got a mobile on clearance for her to start with so we'd know it was secure and the lengths to make everything and she made this:
I can't even put into words how much I love it. It's bright, sparkly and everything is made to be seen from baby's point of view. She even used a scrap of the fabric from my glider on the top. It's so pretty and no one will even have one like it again (unless it survives this little one and gets passed down). Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I can't even put into words how much I love it. It's bright, sparkly and everything is made to be seen from baby's point of view. She even used a scrap of the fabric from my glider on the top. It's so pretty and no one will even have one like it again (unless it survives this little one and gets passed down). Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
A Rough Day/Some Realizations
I had a bad day yesterday. Contractions for a couple hours (starting at 3:40pm) 10mins apart and then 5mins. I didn't want to go in and have them increase my Procardia so I just kept downing water. It took about a gallon of water before they stopped. Once they stopped I just wanted to be still, but the baby and my bladder had other plans. They were working together to make me uncomfortable. It was a LONG night.
Even though it was less dramatic than last time it really freaked me out. I haven't had them that close together for that long since I started the Procardia. I cried alot last night because I think the reality that the baby could come literally at any moment set in. I think I was in denial. We're just not ready and neither is she. We need some period of financial stability and she needs to develop her little lungs. I'm praying that both happen. I really can't imagine if she'd come yesterday, it's too scary to think about. Someone once told me to visualize the future I want. So, I'm lying in bed picturing Michael's great new job and a full term (37 week or more) baby. It's hard to believe in that today, but I'm trying.
Now, I'm completely obsessed with preemies. I was born at 30wks (27yrs ago). I watched a "Baby Story" about a 32wk preemie and 34wk twins both did very well. The twins on the show were home in two weeks. I was born on Feb 8th and came home March 17th. At the beginning of bed rest I got cocky and told everyone there was no danger of it being before late August/early September, but last night it felt clear that anything could happen. It's hard to keep being reminded of how little control I have. I don't trust my body, but I know with unshakable certainty that the baby will be ok. She has things to do. I believe in her more than myself right now.
Even though it was less dramatic than last time it really freaked me out. I haven't had them that close together for that long since I started the Procardia. I cried alot last night because I think the reality that the baby could come literally at any moment set in. I think I was in denial. We're just not ready and neither is she. We need some period of financial stability and she needs to develop her little lungs. I'm praying that both happen. I really can't imagine if she'd come yesterday, it's too scary to think about. Someone once told me to visualize the future I want. So, I'm lying in bed picturing Michael's great new job and a full term (37 week or more) baby. It's hard to believe in that today, but I'm trying.
Now, I'm completely obsessed with preemies. I was born at 30wks (27yrs ago). I watched a "Baby Story" about a 32wk preemie and 34wk twins both did very well. The twins on the show were home in two weeks. I was born on Feb 8th and came home March 17th. At the beginning of bed rest I got cocky and told everyone there was no danger of it being before late August/early September, but last night it felt clear that anything could happen. It's hard to keep being reminded of how little control I have. I don't trust my body, but I know with unshakable certainty that the baby will be ok. She has things to do. I believe in her more than myself right now.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Big Boy Adventures
When Isaac first heard about this whole baby shower idea being 6yrs old he was not a fan of the idea of a party to which he was not invited. It turned out Chance was able to watch him from noon-two. Isaac was very excited because as he put it "I'm going to Clare's house. She's my girlfriend." For those of you who don't know they have a rather adorable mutual crush. When Chance and Milissa were ready to head over for the second half of the shower they dropped Isaac at Randy's house to play with his other favorite little girl, Ivy. He had a great time. When the shower ended storm clouds were rolling in so the daddies (Chance and Mike) decided to take Clare and Isaac to Planet Jump. It's basically this huge warehouse filled with moon bounce things. And as the icing on the cake there was a present waiting for Isaac when he got home from his Gigi, great grandma on his mother's side. It was an awesome Marvel superhero t-shirt. Very cool big brother present. It was after his thank you call to Gigi that I told him the baby was a girl. He said "It is? I like little sisters!"
Sunday morning Isaac woke up and asked "Is it August, yet?". I said "No, why? You ready to go back to school?". He said "Yeah" and went off to play. Well a few hours later Grandma Jo, my dad's wife, came by with a big boy backpack full of back to school supplies. He was thrilled. The timing couldn't have been better.
She also brought his little sister a little pink outfit. Her first one. Thanks to everyone who made Isaac feel so special and loved the last 48hrs!
Sunday morning Isaac woke up and asked "Is it August, yet?". I said "No, why? You ready to go back to school?". He said "Yeah" and went off to play. Well a few hours later Grandma Jo, my dad's wife, came by with a big boy backpack full of back to school supplies. He was thrilled. The timing couldn't have been better.
She also brought his little sister a little pink outfit. Her first one. Thanks to everyone who made Isaac feel so special and loved the last 48hrs!
My Baby Shower
My baby shower was Saturday (July 18th). Because we don't have a lot of space we did the party in halves family came 12-2 and friends came 2-4. I was very nervous leading up to the shower that there wouldn't be enough space, chairs, etc for everyone. My RSVPs showed 36 total guests confirmed (38 counting Michael and I). Luckily everything worked out nicely and we had enough guests to be comfortable and not cramped. As far as chairs thank you Doreen and Dad and Joanne for bringing extra seating. The food was really good exactly what I was looking for. Thank you Bobby for working so hard to make all those mini cheesecakes they were amazing as usual. Also big thank yous to Bongo and Ruthie for the sandwiches which not only tasted wonderful they looked gorgeous. Thanks to Lara for bringing drinks and cups as well as your camera (and being so speedy to upload!). Last but not least bless you Doreen for humoring my fruit lady bug request!
Also, we never could have pulled it off without Chance's help. Thanks for all the time and labor you put into painting, furniture moving, cleaning, decorating etc. He stayed until 2am the night before working and still watched Isaac for us before coming to the party to be my official photographer of the second half. I could never thank you enough. He was also one of 3 people who remembered a baby picture for our game, so way to go!
I loved my decorations we did green and white because it wouldn't give away the gender and it's my favorite color. The decision was reinforced when I found these adorable plates, napkins etc that had a baby in a pea pod and said "sweet pea". I sent Mike and Chance all over for those because Party City didn't have them. Here's a picture:
We played the gender reveal game first, which was something Michael invited called "Bun in the oven." He passed out buns one of which had a G for girl written in pink. All the rest where blank inside. People peeked one at a time and then said either boy or girl. One person had the answer and everyone else was bluffing. Then we went around and guessed who had the answer. The person who had the answer won a prize and so did the person everyone thought had the answer. At the noon party Ruthie had the answer, but everyone thought it was Shannon. Also the bluffs were 50-50 boy and girl at that time. At two Sandy had the answer, but everyone thought Denise had it. That time one person said boy and everyone else said girl. Here's some pictures:
We also played the "yarn/belly" game which is the one where everyone tries to cut a piece of yarn that is the closest to the size of my belly. This was the point in the noon party where my father exclaimed "Oh, no. Now I know why men don't come to these things!" Susie had an interesting technique she decided since I was tiny she'd measure her bust line for comparison and ended up winning with an almost perfect length. At the second party Milissa took the prize for that one. We also played name the baby. Even though it was the first line of the invitation very few people remembered to bring a picture so we had 5 babies on the board the first party and 6 the second. It's fun to see who hasn't changed a bit. Here are some yarn game photos:
This little girl is awful lucky to have so many people who love her! Thank you so much for all the wonderful gifts and especially the good company as I gear up for a few more months of bed rest. Because I left the registry so open I was completely surprised by everything we got (which is WAY more fun). Funnily enough Bob and Susan got us a wonderful Graco Winnie the Pooh travel system and my dad and Joanne picked out a matching pack and play. It wasn't on the registry and neither of them had any idea what the other was getting us. I love them! Here's a picture of the stroller and pack and play put together:
I love them. Especially the color scheme it matches our nursery so well. I also got a wonderful handmade blanket from Gigi that’s green and yellow (it’s the blanket in the pack and play in the picture), an awesome shadowbox from Lara, a white piggy bank to customize from Amanda and all kinds of other goodies. Like I said she's a lucky little girl. And yes the gender neutral request is officially lifted so do what you gotta do. For those of you who weren't here to see it the nursery it has sort of a sage green on the walls the trim is lavender and there are some very pale yellow dragonflies on the walls. I'll post pictures one Mike finishes the base boards and I get some of the shower gifts put away. Thank you all so much again I'm brimming over with gratitude! Not only does it look like a real room for a real person, but I don't feel as completely unprepared for the baby should she decide to come early.
Also, we never could have pulled it off without Chance's help. Thanks for all the time and labor you put into painting, furniture moving, cleaning, decorating etc. He stayed until 2am the night before working and still watched Isaac for us before coming to the party to be my official photographer of the second half. I could never thank you enough. He was also one of 3 people who remembered a baby picture for our game, so way to go!
I loved my decorations we did green and white because it wouldn't give away the gender and it's my favorite color. The decision was reinforced when I found these adorable plates, napkins etc that had a baby in a pea pod and said "sweet pea". I sent Mike and Chance all over for those because Party City didn't have them. Here's a picture:
We played the gender reveal game first, which was something Michael invited called "Bun in the oven." He passed out buns one of which had a G for girl written in pink. All the rest where blank inside. People peeked one at a time and then said either boy or girl. One person had the answer and everyone else was bluffing. Then we went around and guessed who had the answer. The person who had the answer won a prize and so did the person everyone thought had the answer. At the noon party Ruthie had the answer, but everyone thought it was Shannon. Also the bluffs were 50-50 boy and girl at that time. At two Sandy had the answer, but everyone thought Denise had it. That time one person said boy and everyone else said girl. Here's some pictures:
We also played the "yarn/belly" game which is the one where everyone tries to cut a piece of yarn that is the closest to the size of my belly. This was the point in the noon party where my father exclaimed "Oh, no. Now I know why men don't come to these things!" Susie had an interesting technique she decided since I was tiny she'd measure her bust line for comparison and ended up winning with an almost perfect length. At the second party Milissa took the prize for that one. We also played name the baby. Even though it was the first line of the invitation very few people remembered to bring a picture so we had 5 babies on the board the first party and 6 the second. It's fun to see who hasn't changed a bit. Here are some yarn game photos:
This little girl is awful lucky to have so many people who love her! Thank you so much for all the wonderful gifts and especially the good company as I gear up for a few more months of bed rest. Because I left the registry so open I was completely surprised by everything we got (which is WAY more fun). Funnily enough Bob and Susan got us a wonderful Graco Winnie the Pooh travel system and my dad and Joanne picked out a matching pack and play. It wasn't on the registry and neither of them had any idea what the other was getting us. I love them! Here's a picture of the stroller and pack and play put together:
I love them. Especially the color scheme it matches our nursery so well. I also got a wonderful handmade blanket from Gigi that’s green and yellow (it’s the blanket in the pack and play in the picture), an awesome shadowbox from Lara, a white piggy bank to customize from Amanda and all kinds of other goodies. Like I said she's a lucky little girl. And yes the gender neutral request is officially lifted so do what you gotta do. For those of you who weren't here to see it the nursery it has sort of a sage green on the walls the trim is lavender and there are some very pale yellow dragonflies on the walls. I'll post pictures one Mike finishes the base boards and I get some of the shower gifts put away. Thank you all so much again I'm brimming over with gratitude! Not only does it look like a real room for a real person, but I don't feel as completely unprepared for the baby should she decide to come early.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Negative Comments
Ok, so there's this thing that happens when you get pregnant, strangers completely forget their manners. Is there any other time a stranger would walk up to you and touch you? Don't think so. I'm not an elitist, I'm proud of the belly and my little kickboxer, but if we're not on a first name basis ask first. Or when would anyone comment on/criticize your weight? Seriously, just use some common sense when you comment on how much weight a hormonal pregnant lady has gained. Also, when else would someone comment on what you're eating? It seems to me during the pregnancy is the worst time to pick on someone's lunch. It's not the dark ages we all know what's safe and unsafe for the baby.
Beyond the obvious everyone's got advice. Which is hardest for me to take from childless friends, but sometimes equally annoying from people with kids. I'm the queen of research. I pick everyone's brain and welcome conversation, but there's a time and a place. Please do not tell me about your horrible miscarriage/still born child experiences I have plenty to worry about. If I ask you about your labor experience and it was bad no worries I'm prepared for bad when that's the topic. Aside from scary stuff there are some things that are conversational pieces of information not invitations for commentary. If you ask me what I'm thinking about for names you're welcome to tell me you don't care for my choice, but I don't want to hear a 20min speech about all the negative associations you have with it. If it sounds like or rhymes with a part of human anatomy or has a horrible nickname then it's your duty to point it out. If you have some memory of some pop culture incident, person who used to torture you or some such thing that I don't know about I don't need to know. My kid, my choice.
Speaking of choices, why do people care so much whether you give birth naturally, breast feed, go back to work, or stay at home with the baby? Those are personal, individual choices, but I guess they could be genuinely concerned (depending on level of familiarity). Then there's stupid stuff like the color of the nursery, going home from the hospital outfit, who's throwing/invited to the baby shower and so on. Why the hell do you care? If you do care why would you say so. The world will not end if I do it my way I'm sure of it.
But by far the worst is Michael's doom and gloom attitude about certain things. I know he had a kid before, but it wasn't with me. He warned me that breastfeeding was really hard and most women give up. Well, just because Mallory preferred to sleep than feed her child does not mean I'll be so easily deterred. Because first of all I care a hell of alot more than his ex did at 17yr old and my determination is legendary. So while I accept it may be hard to get started and I may need to supplement at first, but I will do it as much for me as the baby. Also, Mike was really annoying about the registry. Apparently he and Mallory went a little crazy with the scanner at Target the first go round which caused such an overwhelming amount of crap on the registry that they got very few necessities. Well, my game plan from the beginning was to do a little research find out what we had to have and find the best deals so no one was overwhelmed. I wanted comments on the registry so people would know which features were important to me and pick what they thought was best. I'm not exactly an impulsive shopaholic. I also find it ironic that Mr. “Don't add that $20 item someone will get it instead of something we really need” picked out the $119 high chair. Sigh.
He also went on and on about how awful the end of the pregnancy is. Well, I expect to be uncomfortable, irritable and sleep deprived at the end but don't want to focus on it. At this point it’s not likely I’ll get to 40 wks anyway. The newest thing he harps on about is how awful the first few months of the babies life can be. I'm no new comer to babies. I babysat up a storm in middle and high school. It's not easy. My cousin's little girl screamed for the first few months of her life no matter what they fed her and I lived through babysitting her. I know it's not the same as having your own newborn, but I'm just saying my expectations are not unrealistic. I pointed out that this baby is not Isaac, Mike’s not 19 anymore or raising this one on his own, and I'm not his ex. I prefer to think positive and know the worse case scenario exists.
Positive thoughts little one, keep cooking.
Beyond the obvious everyone's got advice. Which is hardest for me to take from childless friends, but sometimes equally annoying from people with kids. I'm the queen of research. I pick everyone's brain and welcome conversation, but there's a time and a place. Please do not tell me about your horrible miscarriage/still born child experiences I have plenty to worry about. If I ask you about your labor experience and it was bad no worries I'm prepared for bad when that's the topic. Aside from scary stuff there are some things that are conversational pieces of information not invitations for commentary. If you ask me what I'm thinking about for names you're welcome to tell me you don't care for my choice, but I don't want to hear a 20min speech about all the negative associations you have with it. If it sounds like or rhymes with a part of human anatomy or has a horrible nickname then it's your duty to point it out. If you have some memory of some pop culture incident, person who used to torture you or some such thing that I don't know about I don't need to know. My kid, my choice.
Speaking of choices, why do people care so much whether you give birth naturally, breast feed, go back to work, or stay at home with the baby? Those are personal, individual choices, but I guess they could be genuinely concerned (depending on level of familiarity). Then there's stupid stuff like the color of the nursery, going home from the hospital outfit, who's throwing/invited to the baby shower and so on. Why the hell do you care? If you do care why would you say so. The world will not end if I do it my way I'm sure of it.
But by far the worst is Michael's doom and gloom attitude about certain things. I know he had a kid before, but it wasn't with me. He warned me that breastfeeding was really hard and most women give up. Well, just because Mallory preferred to sleep than feed her child does not mean I'll be so easily deterred. Because first of all I care a hell of alot more than his ex did at 17yr old and my determination is legendary. So while I accept it may be hard to get started and I may need to supplement at first, but I will do it as much for me as the baby. Also, Mike was really annoying about the registry. Apparently he and Mallory went a little crazy with the scanner at Target the first go round which caused such an overwhelming amount of crap on the registry that they got very few necessities. Well, my game plan from the beginning was to do a little research find out what we had to have and find the best deals so no one was overwhelmed. I wanted comments on the registry so people would know which features were important to me and pick what they thought was best. I'm not exactly an impulsive shopaholic. I also find it ironic that Mr. “Don't add that $20 item someone will get it instead of something we really need” picked out the $119 high chair. Sigh.
He also went on and on about how awful the end of the pregnancy is. Well, I expect to be uncomfortable, irritable and sleep deprived at the end but don't want to focus on it. At this point it’s not likely I’ll get to 40 wks anyway. The newest thing he harps on about is how awful the first few months of the babies life can be. I'm no new comer to babies. I babysat up a storm in middle and high school. It's not easy. My cousin's little girl screamed for the first few months of her life no matter what they fed her and I lived through babysitting her. I know it's not the same as having your own newborn, but I'm just saying my expectations are not unrealistic. I pointed out that this baby is not Isaac, Mike’s not 19 anymore or raising this one on his own, and I'm not his ex. I prefer to think positive and know the worse case scenario exists.
Positive thoughts little one, keep cooking.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Third Trimester Reflections
I can't believe it's been 7months. Times takes on a different sort of shape and feel when you're pregnant. I remember the time before I took the test stretching on and on forever in the early days I wanted to go back there. To that still calm period when I suspected, but maintained total ignorance. I ignored the little twinges, didn't over analysis what I ate or worry about every possible outcome of my life decisions (as much). Then there was the storm of emotions when I was faced with the reality of things. Maybe storm is an inappropriate metaphor, more like monsoon or tsunami. I was shaking with anticipation and then there was a slow leak of information permeating the wall of my complete shock. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life. When that wall fell I was engulfed by emotion. Mostly negative to begin with. I could barely speak through my tears. I don't remember any one emotion being predominate, but I would guess it was fear. After I calmed down slightly I just felt like I was in a fog that never lifted. One day it did and I was completely at peace. It was the most calm I'd ever felt in my life. My cousin told me it was my maternal instincts kicking in because stress is bad for the baby.
That was early on and didn't last long. I was so sick in the beginning. I didn't want to eat or even move. The same cousin informed me that one day at about 11wks it would be like someone flipped a switch and I'd feel better. I remember thinking I'd never survive the 6wks it would take to get to that point. I just kept telling Mike "I'm no good at pregnant." I was beyond miserable. The lowest moment came near the end of that time when I was fired. I'd never been fired before ever. I thought I was good at my job, but running to the ladies room to puke every night and calling out for trips to the ER don't go over well. I was still feel sad thinking about that phone call. When I hung up I kept thinking two more weeks and I'd be fine. Why couldn't they wait two weeks?
Then like promised the switch flipped. That's when the excitement started to set in. I had the energy to be out and about, I was eating without throwing up again, my skin started clearing up, my hair grew and so did my belly. It wasn't easy I had my stupid hip popping out of the socket, the bursitis (same hip), swelling, horrible back pain and a couple of scares, but over all I feel pretty good. I was doing maternity yoga which helped a lot, but pregnancy’s rough on a tiny person with bad joints and tight muscles. 11-26wks was good. I started to feel excited. My maternity clothes fit better, I bought some things for the baby and oh, the ultrasounds. First peek at little one didn't count it was at 8wks in the ER no pictures and the baby closely resembled a gummy bear. The second time I cried. It was a person with fingers, toes, a face and a beating heart. A person I made that was alerting me to its presence with lots of kicks at that point. A beautiful healthy baby. The third time was a wonderful one too. Not only did I know there was a person in there, but now I knew what kind of person it was. I thought I'd be disappointed depending on what we heard, but I was thrilled beyond belief just to know. I'll talk more about that day after tomorrow when everyone finds out.
The last few weeks were scary and stressful. I have a ticker on one of the baby sites I go to counting days since I was put on bed rest and I can never believe how few it's been. On the plus side I'm more ravenous than ever and obviously not able to burn off all the calories so my belly (and baby) are expanding. I hope this little one stays put and keeps growing for a while. I'm really going to miss feeling the baby move around in there. So, now we wait. I'm no good at that never have been and it's literally all I can do until the baby comes. Which I cry when I think about. I think I'm noticing alot more weepiness lately in general, but think about holding your first baby and tell me if it doesn't stir emotion. To be fair though the sight of a cheeseburger "stirs emotion" for me at this point. (:
So, there you have an overview of my emotional roller coaster to date. Much more commentary to come about what's happened and happening with me and the baby. Thanks for reading.
That was early on and didn't last long. I was so sick in the beginning. I didn't want to eat or even move. The same cousin informed me that one day at about 11wks it would be like someone flipped a switch and I'd feel better. I remember thinking I'd never survive the 6wks it would take to get to that point. I just kept telling Mike "I'm no good at pregnant." I was beyond miserable. The lowest moment came near the end of that time when I was fired. I'd never been fired before ever. I thought I was good at my job, but running to the ladies room to puke every night and calling out for trips to the ER don't go over well. I was still feel sad thinking about that phone call. When I hung up I kept thinking two more weeks and I'd be fine. Why couldn't they wait two weeks?
Then like promised the switch flipped. That's when the excitement started to set in. I had the energy to be out and about, I was eating without throwing up again, my skin started clearing up, my hair grew and so did my belly. It wasn't easy I had my stupid hip popping out of the socket, the bursitis (same hip), swelling, horrible back pain and a couple of scares, but over all I feel pretty good. I was doing maternity yoga which helped a lot, but pregnancy’s rough on a tiny person with bad joints and tight muscles. 11-26wks was good. I started to feel excited. My maternity clothes fit better, I bought some things for the baby and oh, the ultrasounds. First peek at little one didn't count it was at 8wks in the ER no pictures and the baby closely resembled a gummy bear. The second time I cried. It was a person with fingers, toes, a face and a beating heart. A person I made that was alerting me to its presence with lots of kicks at that point. A beautiful healthy baby. The third time was a wonderful one too. Not only did I know there was a person in there, but now I knew what kind of person it was. I thought I'd be disappointed depending on what we heard, but I was thrilled beyond belief just to know. I'll talk more about that day after tomorrow when everyone finds out.
The last few weeks were scary and stressful. I have a ticker on one of the baby sites I go to counting days since I was put on bed rest and I can never believe how few it's been. On the plus side I'm more ravenous than ever and obviously not able to burn off all the calories so my belly (and baby) are expanding. I hope this little one stays put and keeps growing for a while. I'm really going to miss feeling the baby move around in there. So, now we wait. I'm no good at that never have been and it's literally all I can do until the baby comes. Which I cry when I think about. I think I'm noticing alot more weepiness lately in general, but think about holding your first baby and tell me if it doesn't stir emotion. To be fair though the sight of a cheeseburger "stirs emotion" for me at this point. (:
So, there you have an overview of my emotional roller coaster to date. Much more commentary to come about what's happened and happening with me and the baby. Thanks for reading.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Test Results
The fFN test was negative. Yay! There'll be one every two weeks or so to make sure. And we're only days away from the shower. Yay! And some time in the next week or so my mom will be here. Yay!
"The Easy Way Out"
An article with some interesting comments from male (of course) medical professionals
It really is unfair. I never had the choice of a natural, vaginal birth because of my medical issues and now there's a pretty clear indication that this little one's coming early. I got pregnant knowing it would have to be a c-section delivery and I'm ok with that.
But just like a 1,000 other things, why do people who shouldn't have opinions (aka men, etc) tell you you're wrong and should feel bad for making any other choice? I do feel bad sometimes that I don't have a choice, but in the end I feel that whatever I need to do to survive the delivery in the best possible shape and leave with a healthy baby is my responsibility as a mother.
PS: C-sections are not easy. This is my first baby, but I've had the same surgery to remove a fibroid from my uterus. Anyone man or women who thinks abdominal surgery is a piece of cake needs to try it some time, especially under emergency conditions.
I mean what does that imply? That anyone who can't have an uncomplicated vaginal delivery deserves to hemorrhage or that their baby will never love them? Ridiculous.
It really is unfair. I never had the choice of a natural, vaginal birth because of my medical issues and now there's a pretty clear indication that this little one's coming early. I got pregnant knowing it would have to be a c-section delivery and I'm ok with that.
But just like a 1,000 other things, why do people who shouldn't have opinions (aka men, etc) tell you you're wrong and should feel bad for making any other choice? I do feel bad sometimes that I don't have a choice, but in the end I feel that whatever I need to do to survive the delivery in the best possible shape and leave with a healthy baby is my responsibility as a mother.
PS: C-sections are not easy. This is my first baby, but I've had the same surgery to remove a fibroid from my uterus. Anyone man or women who thinks abdominal surgery is a piece of cake needs to try it some time, especially under emergency conditions.
I mean what does that imply? That anyone who can't have an uncomplicated vaginal delivery deserves to hemorrhage or that their baby will never love them? Ridiculous.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Follow Up Appointment
Today was the day I went back to the doctor. Looking at my notes it was pretty amazing 20mins apart, then 10mins apart and then 6min apart before they stopped them. It makes me shutter to think what could have happened.
First, the doctor did a fetal fibronectin test (fFN) which is a test that looks for a protein women produce before going into labor. Here's what the March of Dimes has to say about it: "Fetal fibronectin (fFN) is a protein produced during pregnancy and functions as biological glue, attaching the fetal sac to the uterine lining. During the first trimester and for about half of the second trimester (up to 22 weeks of gestation), fFN is normally present in the cervico-vaginal secretions of pregnant women. In most pregnancies, after 22 weeks, this protein is no longer detected until the end of the last trimester (one to three weeks before labor).
The presence of fFN during weeks 24-34 of a high-risk pregnancy, along with symptoms of labor, suggests that the "glue" may be disintegrating ahead of schedule and alerts doctors to a possibility of preterm delivery."
She also checked my cervix which is thankfully still closed. She says to keep taking the Procardia every 8hrs and stay on the strict bedrest until the results are in from the test. If it's positive they'll up my dose to every 6hrs and keep me on strict bedrest. If it's negative they'll leave the dose the same and "let up a little" on my restrictions.
Ok, I know it's silly, but I left there in tears. I think I was in denial that any of this had happened/was happening. I know I didn't rationally believe she was going to say it was all a huge mistake and to go about my business as usual, but it all feels too real. I knew bedrest was in my future, but I thought I at least had another month. So, this is it for the rest of my pregnancy I stay in bed. Whatever I didn't do before now won't happen. I know I should be happy the baby's healthy, but it's hell not to trust your body to do what it's supposed to.
Michael and I started talking about the long term for the first time today. He has work to do and needs to start working full time outside the house and I need someone to bring me food and make sure the dishes and clothes get washed and Isaac is ok. It's an impossible situation just now and we can't afford for him to stop working or for me to ignore doctor's orders. I've put in a few calls and I'm hoping my mom will be down shortly to help. In the meantime (or if that doesn't happen) we'll do our best. I'm so grateful for the help and visitors I've had so far you have no idea what it means to me! Thank you.
First, the doctor did a fetal fibronectin test (fFN) which is a test that looks for a protein women produce before going into labor. Here's what the March of Dimes has to say about it: "Fetal fibronectin (fFN) is a protein produced during pregnancy and functions as biological glue, attaching the fetal sac to the uterine lining. During the first trimester and for about half of the second trimester (up to 22 weeks of gestation), fFN is normally present in the cervico-vaginal secretions of pregnant women. In most pregnancies, after 22 weeks, this protein is no longer detected until the end of the last trimester (one to three weeks before labor).
The presence of fFN during weeks 24-34 of a high-risk pregnancy, along with symptoms of labor, suggests that the "glue" may be disintegrating ahead of schedule and alerts doctors to a possibility of preterm delivery."
She also checked my cervix which is thankfully still closed. She says to keep taking the Procardia every 8hrs and stay on the strict bedrest until the results are in from the test. If it's positive they'll up my dose to every 6hrs and keep me on strict bedrest. If it's negative they'll leave the dose the same and "let up a little" on my restrictions.
Ok, I know it's silly, but I left there in tears. I think I was in denial that any of this had happened/was happening. I know I didn't rationally believe she was going to say it was all a huge mistake and to go about my business as usual, but it all feels too real. I knew bedrest was in my future, but I thought I at least had another month. So, this is it for the rest of my pregnancy I stay in bed. Whatever I didn't do before now won't happen. I know I should be happy the baby's healthy, but it's hell not to trust your body to do what it's supposed to.
Michael and I started talking about the long term for the first time today. He has work to do and needs to start working full time outside the house and I need someone to bring me food and make sure the dishes and clothes get washed and Isaac is ok. It's an impossible situation just now and we can't afford for him to stop working or for me to ignore doctor's orders. I've put in a few calls and I'm hoping my mom will be down shortly to help. In the meantime (or if that doesn't happen) we'll do our best. I'm so grateful for the help and visitors I've had so far you have no idea what it means to me! Thank you.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Room Swap Day
Today was a big day. We all got up early in anticipation of the big day, even Michael. First Bob and Susan came over with the crib. It's beautiful and matches the dresser Cindi gave us perfectly. Once it was together the furniture moving started. Then Randy and Ivy came over and pretty soon the Hoffmans arrived. So, while the boys shuffled furniture around Milissa watched the kids in the living room. It was weird to be hanging out in bed while the house got rearranged, but exciting to have so many people in the house.
Later in the day when Bob and Susan had gone home and the boys headed out to Home Depot my dad stopped by on his scooter. He had totally forgotten it was room swap day, but it was a "more the merrier" kind of day. We made our own custom paint color with a small can of Capital Green with a large can of white. It's a beautiful light green, a kind of minty sage. Doreen and Lara did a wonderful job painting the nursery. It really looks like a baby's room in there now with the painted walls and beautiful wood furniture. It's very exciting.
We still have painting to finish in the baby's room and the rest of the house, especially Isaac's new big boy room needs some organizing, but it's all happening. I'm so excited for my baby shower next weekend and the baby to get here now. No matter what happens now I feel like we'll be prepared for this baby now no matter how early it decides to make its appearance. On that note I am taking bed rest very seriously and I have every intention of getting through a few more months before I deliver, but the more prepared we are the longer this kid will wait.
Thank you, so much to everyone who helped out today and everyone who's visited since I went on bed rest. It really, really means alot!
Later in the day when Bob and Susan had gone home and the boys headed out to Home Depot my dad stopped by on his scooter. He had totally forgotten it was room swap day, but it was a "more the merrier" kind of day. We made our own custom paint color with a small can of Capital Green with a large can of white. It's a beautiful light green, a kind of minty sage. Doreen and Lara did a wonderful job painting the nursery. It really looks like a baby's room in there now with the painted walls and beautiful wood furniture. It's very exciting.
We still have painting to finish in the baby's room and the rest of the house, especially Isaac's new big boy room needs some organizing, but it's all happening. I'm so excited for my baby shower next weekend and the baby to get here now. No matter what happens now I feel like we'll be prepared for this baby now no matter how early it decides to make its appearance. On that note I am taking bed rest very seriously and I have every intention of getting through a few more months before I deliver, but the more prepared we are the longer this kid will wait.
Thank you, so much to everyone who helped out today and everyone who's visited since I went on bed rest. It really, really means alot!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Too Many Contractions-Part One
Tuesday (July 7th) at 10:32pm I had a contraction. I had gone over a week with no contractions and when I did have them I had 2-3 an hour for 3 hours at most. I alerted Michael and recorded it and 20min later another and then 10 min later another. Now I was getting concerned. I had noticed earlier that day that I was dying of thirst and suddenly around the same time the contractions started I started peeing every 5mins. I was also feeling a lot of pressure earlier in the day and it was increasing. The contractions continued every ten minutes and I was worried I had a bladder infection, which I knew could cause contractions. At about 1:45am we called Mike's mom to sit with Isaac and left for the hospital.
The contractions were about 10mins apart when we got there, but I had to keep unstrapping the monitors to pee. The nurse agreed that it was most likely an infection, but everything came back clean. The contractions had gone back to 20min apart, but not stopped. At that point they checked and I was not dilated. They gave me an injection of terbutaline to stop the contractions about 4:30am. I was warned it would make my heart pound, but holy cow! It was awful I was shaking so bad I couldn’t stand to go to the bathroom. It was like having a seizure. At 5:00am I'd only had one more contraction so they sent me home.
I wish that was the end, but...
The contractions were about 10mins apart when we got there, but I had to keep unstrapping the monitors to pee. The nurse agreed that it was most likely an infection, but everything came back clean. The contractions had gone back to 20min apart, but not stopped. At that point they checked and I was not dilated. They gave me an injection of terbutaline to stop the contractions about 4:30am. I was warned it would make my heart pound, but holy cow! It was awful I was shaking so bad I couldn’t stand to go to the bathroom. It was like having a seizure. At 5:00am I'd only had one more contraction so they sent me home.
I wish that was the end, but...
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Too Many Contractions-Part Two
After almost four hours of sleep we went to my ultrasound appointment to check my left leg for a blood clot. I was feeling shaky and nauseous from the injection and very tired, but at least the contractions had stopped. I went to the hospital with the boys and the ultrasound came back clean, but by the time it was over I was having contractions! My OB is next door to the hospital so we went straight over. I explained what had happened the night before and that I was now having contractions about 10mins apart again. Now I'll tell ya when you're 27wks pregnant and you tell someone you're having contractions they look at you like "sure you are..." So, they hooked me up to a monitor for 20mins. I proceeded to have about 5-6 contractions in 20min (only hours after having the terbutaline injection). They gave me a prescription for precardia pills to stop the contractions and the nurse said "The boys are on their own. Bedrest, bathroom only. Come back Monday."
We went straight to the pharmacy, where the contraction continued, to get my pills. I'm supposed to take them every 8 hours and the nurse assures me they're nothing like the terbutaline. I continued having contractions after taking the first dose, but they slowed a lot. First 20mins apart, then 30 and eventually an hour.
You really never realize how LONG a minute is until you have a contraction. I never did dilate (thank God) and now the goal is to keep that from happening. My mother delivered me at 30wks and I'm really hoping to beat that. I think with bursitis and the swelling I was having the physical pain and severe levels of stress around here did it. I'm hoping the pills, which do make me feel pretty yucky, but nothing like the other stuff, do their thing and everything looks good Monday. Who knows... We are still swapping rooms Saturday (well those who are able) and worst case scenario I'll sit very still in the recliner for my shower next Sat. I am worried about Michael getting everything that needs doing around the house done on top of his work and have pleaded with him to ask for help when he needs it, so some of you may get phone calls.
We went straight to the pharmacy, where the contraction continued, to get my pills. I'm supposed to take them every 8 hours and the nurse assures me they're nothing like the terbutaline. I continued having contractions after taking the first dose, but they slowed a lot. First 20mins apart, then 30 and eventually an hour.
You really never realize how LONG a minute is until you have a contraction. I never did dilate (thank God) and now the goal is to keep that from happening. My mother delivered me at 30wks and I'm really hoping to beat that. I think with bursitis and the swelling I was having the physical pain and severe levels of stress around here did it. I'm hoping the pills, which do make me feel pretty yucky, but nothing like the other stuff, do their thing and everything looks good Monday. Who knows... We are still swapping rooms Saturday (well those who are able) and worst case scenario I'll sit very still in the recliner for my shower next Sat. I am worried about Michael getting everything that needs doing around the house done on top of his work and have pleaded with him to ask for help when he needs it, so some of you may get phone calls.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Last OB Appt of the Second Trimester
So, amazingly I'm 7months pregnant and days away from the third trimester. The good news today was that I'm released from pelvic rest, baby's heart beat is strong (150) and my uterus is right where it's supposed to be (24-25"). I reported the "weird" feeling and dizziness recently and was told that blood pressure fluctuations are very common at this stage in the game. Even the phantom "bugs" I've been seeing on and off for a month are actually a symptom of the blood pressure issue. The doctor's advice was "sit down before you fall down." I think that applies to me whether I’m pregnant or not.
I asked about banking blood for the baby and was answered with a shrug. I'll call Red Cross this month and find out. Michael is a universal donor and I'm very concerned about the baby being premature and needing transfusions. My sister had two transfusions as a baby and ended up with liver disease. I know they screen the blood better than they did in the 80's but I think we'll all feel better if the blood comes from family. The other issue related to that is delayed cord clamping. I read if they wait until the cord stops pulsing to clamp it the baby gets a last push of that healthy, steam cell enriched placental blood and they do much better. Which sounds alot more reasonable than $2,000 to store the cord blood in a lab. Well, the doctor says you can't have a delayed cord clamp with a c-section because you're bleeding too much, bummer.
The other fun development since my last appointment is that the bursitis came back and as soon as that calmed down my left hip and knee started swelling alot. Not hands and feet like most pregnant women just my left hip and knee. Well, I expected the doctor to tell me to restrict my movement and keep icing it, but she ordered an ultrasound of my leg to rule out a blood clot. I'm not really worried about that, but I am hoping they'll get a good look and then give me something for pain. I have to go for that Wednesday morning. I'll keep everyone posted.
The other big thing today was that we scheduled the rest of my appts until the due date. My next appt will be in 3 weeks and after that I'll be going there every 2 weeks until the baby comes. At my next appt (July 28th) I have to do my one hour glucose test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm not worried about G.D., but I have to be NPO after midnight the night before and the test itself takes an hour. That's an awful long time to keep a pregnant lady from eating. Sigh. Also, we did not confirm the c-section date or sign the consent form for the tubal ligation yet, but we will do those over my next 2 appointments. The end is in sight!
I asked about banking blood for the baby and was answered with a shrug. I'll call Red Cross this month and find out. Michael is a universal donor and I'm very concerned about the baby being premature and needing transfusions. My sister had two transfusions as a baby and ended up with liver disease. I know they screen the blood better than they did in the 80's but I think we'll all feel better if the blood comes from family. The other issue related to that is delayed cord clamping. I read if they wait until the cord stops pulsing to clamp it the baby gets a last push of that healthy, steam cell enriched placental blood and they do much better. Which sounds alot more reasonable than $2,000 to store the cord blood in a lab. Well, the doctor says you can't have a delayed cord clamp with a c-section because you're bleeding too much, bummer.
The other fun development since my last appointment is that the bursitis came back and as soon as that calmed down my left hip and knee started swelling alot. Not hands and feet like most pregnant women just my left hip and knee. Well, I expected the doctor to tell me to restrict my movement and keep icing it, but she ordered an ultrasound of my leg to rule out a blood clot. I'm not really worried about that, but I am hoping they'll get a good look and then give me something for pain. I have to go for that Wednesday morning. I'll keep everyone posted.
The other big thing today was that we scheduled the rest of my appts until the due date. My next appt will be in 3 weeks and after that I'll be going there every 2 weeks until the baby comes. At my next appt (July 28th) I have to do my one hour glucose test to make sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm not worried about G.D., but I have to be NPO after midnight the night before and the test itself takes an hour. That's an awful long time to keep a pregnant lady from eating. Sigh. Also, we did not confirm the c-section date or sign the consent form for the tubal ligation yet, but we will do those over my next 2 appointments. The end is in sight!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Baby Book
I got a very special gift yesterday. The baby book my mother had for me was very unique. It has a beautiful painting on the cover of a stork bringing a little bundle through starry space to the earth. The title is "Welcome to the Planet Earth." The pages are mostly titled and blank with suggestion for what to use them for in the margins. The corners of the pages are decorated with mother and baby animals. It has really interesting milestones to fill in, a diagram of the teeth to fill in the dates they come in, a beautiful family tree and so many other wonderful things. I'm thrilled beyond belief to have it. Especially because I was beginning to think I'd have to settle for some cheesy book with cartoon duckies on it. I think a child parented by Michael I deserves a unique book.
When I initially started searching for this baby book I knew it was a long shot. I mean it was published almost 30yrs ago now. Finding an unused copy of a baby book from 1981 didn't seem too likely. Well, I found it on an out of print book website, but it was way too expensive and I was crushed. So, thank you Ruthie for your persistence and thoughtfulness. It means a lot to me and it will mean alot to the baby one day.
When I initially started searching for this baby book I knew it was a long shot. I mean it was published almost 30yrs ago now. Finding an unused copy of a baby book from 1981 didn't seem too likely. Well, I found it on an out of print book website, but it was way too expensive and I was crushed. So, thank you Ruthie for your persistence and thoughtfulness. It means a lot to me and it will mean alot to the baby one day.
Pregnancy Nose
"There doesn't seem to be any sort of adaptive mechanism to blame for a pregnant woman's sensitivity to certain smells." Brenda Stokes (Baby Center). Michael's theory has something to do with cavewomen using the hormone related sensitivity to smell to stay safe while the men were away and stay clean while pregnant. However, whatever it may have been useful in doing historically it is certainly a deterrent to functioning in modern society.
Maybe it's our body's way of slowing us down or keeping us away from potential hazards. "According to a 2004 study published in Chemical Senses, over 40 percent of pregnant women tested in the first trimester reported increased sensitivity to the smell of cooking odors, cigarette smoke, spoiled food, and perfume." In the first weeks of my pregnancy a sink full of dirty dishes made me sick and kept me out of the kitchen (off my feet a lot more because I wasn’t doing any dishes) for about a month. The litter box or a full garbage can were equally dangerous smells. Obviously, things like that are full of germs and the pregnancy antibodies take a little while to build. There's also chemicals like cleaning products or the worst of all cigarette smoke are certainly potential hazards.
There also the food smells. I remember my cousin telling me she realized she was pregnant when she walked into her parent’s house and the smell of popcorn made her sick. My earliest memory of a food smell that made me sick was greasy breakfast meats. Certainly not the healthiest choice for a pregnant woman. But there's also things like the smell of peanut butter which still bothers me and there's certainly nothing particularly hazardous or unhealthy about that. Maybe there are exceptions to the rule. The other possibility is none of the rational theories apply to hormone induced symptoms, who knows?
Maybe it's our body's way of slowing us down or keeping us away from potential hazards. "According to a 2004 study published in Chemical Senses, over 40 percent of pregnant women tested in the first trimester reported increased sensitivity to the smell of cooking odors, cigarette smoke, spoiled food, and perfume." In the first weeks of my pregnancy a sink full of dirty dishes made me sick and kept me out of the kitchen (off my feet a lot more because I wasn’t doing any dishes) for about a month. The litter box or a full garbage can were equally dangerous smells. Obviously, things like that are full of germs and the pregnancy antibodies take a little while to build. There's also chemicals like cleaning products or the worst of all cigarette smoke are certainly potential hazards.
There also the food smells. I remember my cousin telling me she realized she was pregnant when she walked into her parent’s house and the smell of popcorn made her sick. My earliest memory of a food smell that made me sick was greasy breakfast meats. Certainly not the healthiest choice for a pregnant woman. But there's also things like the smell of peanut butter which still bothers me and there's certainly nothing particularly hazardous or unhealthy about that. Maybe there are exceptions to the rule. The other possibility is none of the rational theories apply to hormone induced symptoms, who knows?
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Grandmas
For those of you who don't know my middle name is Nan Nell after my dad's mother. My grandma died in 1977 shortly before my parents met. I don't know alot about her. She raised my father on her own in the 50's so I know she was a tough cookie.
My dad, his wife and I went to visit her grave today. I said "Hello, Grandma you're going to be a great grandma now." I thought it was cool to be able to introduce them.
Maybe it's just the hormones making me sentimental, but it was pretty cool moment to have four generations standing in the same spot. Especially since I never knew her it seemed important to visit her and introduce her to the baby.
Now, my grandma Phyllis, my mother’s mother, hasn't left my side for very long since she passed. She died when I was 3yrs old just before my sister was born. Her love has been a constant in my life and I can tell she's excited for this little one. It brings tears to my eyes to think about how much love will surround this baby. From those of us lucky enough to be here and the generations that have passed.
Maybe one of my greatest gifts to my child is the inheritance of all my guarding angels.
Friday, July 3, 2009
PLUS 
EQUALS 
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Fairy Baby
When we first discussed the possibility of having a baby one day I started having dreams about my fairy baby.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Security/Insecurity
I wish I could say that I planned carefully for this baby built up some savings, some maternity leave and found a bigger house. Not how it happened. To sum up a very LONG story. I left my apartment and job with benefits to move in with Michael. I was unable to find steady work for months and by the time I did was pregnant. We all know about that, firing me two weeks shy of finishing my first trimester.
So, what now? I'm supposed to have faith that someone else will support me. It's hard depending on the someone I think. Especially when that someone plays by their own rules, drags their feet and refuses to change course until an actual crisis has occurred (if then)
When I was born my parents had been married over a year, my dad owned his home and both my parents where working full time. I always thought that's the way it would be. I never thought I'd be unemployed, renting a house that's too small and living with someone with very unsteady income as well as raising a 6yr old.
Marriage isn't important to me in relation to having the baby, but I did believe I would at least have an engagement ring by now. Not that that would change anything. I was also hoping to move into a bigger place by the end of summer, which can't happen. So we make due, swap rooms and hope it's temporary. I think the disappointment and sense of insecurity is worse for me because I never wanted this life. I never thought I would be a wife and mother, but I was sure if I was it would be on my terms.
Maybe I'm being tested so that I understand how little it takes for me to be a good parent. Maybe Michael will get the job of a lifetime and all will be right with the world in a few months. Maybe I'll be the breadwinner soon. Maybe we won't make it through this and I'll face the world as a single parent. Maybe the stress will lead to heart attacks on one or both our parts and our family will be left to care for our children. And so on and so forth into eternity...
The uncertainty makes every breath the carrier of doubt and fear. I love Michael and Isaac and I hope every day that we've made the right choices and that the solution is waiting to be discovered. I always wanted more. I wouldn't have ventured 2,000 miles from home for college, lived in several strange cities, etc if the status quo appealed to me. I thought I was making sacrifices to ensure ending up with more. Maybe I will, hard to say as patience has never been my strong suit.
Oh, baby I hope you come home to the home you deserve. I'm waiting for you and I can't wait to meet you. I hope we're ready.
So, what now? I'm supposed to have faith that someone else will support me. It's hard depending on the someone I think. Especially when that someone plays by their own rules, drags their feet and refuses to change course until an actual crisis has occurred (if then)
When I was born my parents had been married over a year, my dad owned his home and both my parents where working full time. I always thought that's the way it would be. I never thought I'd be unemployed, renting a house that's too small and living with someone with very unsteady income as well as raising a 6yr old.
Marriage isn't important to me in relation to having the baby, but I did believe I would at least have an engagement ring by now. Not that that would change anything. I was also hoping to move into a bigger place by the end of summer, which can't happen. So we make due, swap rooms and hope it's temporary. I think the disappointment and sense of insecurity is worse for me because I never wanted this life. I never thought I would be a wife and mother, but I was sure if I was it would be on my terms.
Maybe I'm being tested so that I understand how little it takes for me to be a good parent. Maybe Michael will get the job of a lifetime and all will be right with the world in a few months. Maybe I'll be the breadwinner soon. Maybe we won't make it through this and I'll face the world as a single parent. Maybe the stress will lead to heart attacks on one or both our parts and our family will be left to care for our children. And so on and so forth into eternity...
The uncertainty makes every breath the carrier of doubt and fear. I love Michael and Isaac and I hope every day that we've made the right choices and that the solution is waiting to be discovered. I always wanted more. I wouldn't have ventured 2,000 miles from home for college, lived in several strange cities, etc if the status quo appealed to me. I thought I was making sacrifices to ensure ending up with more. Maybe I will, hard to say as patience has never been my strong suit.
Oh, baby I hope you come home to the home you deserve. I'm waiting for you and I can't wait to meet you. I hope we're ready.
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