I had a bad day yesterday. Contractions for a couple hours (starting at 3:40pm) 10mins apart and then 5mins. I didn't want to go in and have them increase my Procardia so I just kept downing water. It took about a gallon of water before they stopped. Once they stopped I just wanted to be still, but the baby and my bladder had other plans. They were working together to make me uncomfortable. It was a LONG night.
Even though it was less dramatic than last time it really freaked me out. I haven't had them that close together for that long since I started the Procardia. I cried alot last night because I think the reality that the baby could come literally at any moment set in. I think I was in denial. We're just not ready and neither is she. We need some period of financial stability and she needs to develop her little lungs. I'm praying that both happen. I really can't imagine if she'd come yesterday, it's too scary to think about. Someone once told me to visualize the future I want. So, I'm lying in bed picturing Michael's great new job and a full term (37 week or more) baby. It's hard to believe in that today, but I'm trying.
Now, I'm completely obsessed with preemies. I was born at 30wks (27yrs ago). I watched a "Baby Story" about a 32wk preemie and 34wk twins both did very well. The twins on the show were home in two weeks. I was born on Feb 8th and came home March 17th. At the beginning of bed rest I got cocky and told everyone there was no danger of it being before late August/early September, but last night it felt clear that anything could happen. It's hard to keep being reminded of how little control I have. I don't trust my body, but I know with unshakable certainty that the baby will be ok. She has things to do. I believe in her more than myself right now.
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