Out of Control

So, I've never been able to trust my body to do what it's supposed to/what I want it to at any given point. I knew that pregnancy would be no different. In fact, I spent most of my life thinking that I would never experience it. I've always loved kids and am naturally maternal, but you don't have to bear children to be a mother. In fact, it wasn't very long ago that, after a year of biopsies. and an unsuccessful LEEP procedure, I was begging for a hysterectomy! I was sure I would never need my uterus and it certainly wasn't worth the grief it was causing. Alas, in your twenties no matter what you say (unless you're going to die in the next 10min) they just don't do that. When I called that same doctor to see if she would treat me during this pregnancy I fully expected an "I told you so."
I knew it would be a hard road, but there was no way to know exactly what to expect. The beginning was awful, but it had everything to do with the overnight shift I was working and my long standing sensitivity to hormone fluctuations. In fact, most women I know that are on the tiny side had rough first trimesters. I think our bodies don't absorb all those hormones as well. Even the severe morning sickness was pretty "normal". In my first trimester, the only issue caused by disability’s interaction with the pregnancy was that my bad hip kept popping out of the socket.
Between the fact that things had been pretty "normal" and I was feeling so much better by the second trimester I felt confident I wouldn’t experience any major complications until delivery. Wrong. I thought I'd have another month before my mobility was limited due to the extra weight on my bad joints and my poor balance. What I had was a couple days until contractions landed me on bed rest. Now, whether that has something to do with my CP I'm not sure. It's possible that it is just the scar tissue in my cervix and uterus coupled with the fact that I have always had a physical reaction to severe stress. Even so the spasticity from the CP can't be helpful when you're trying to prevent a muscle from tightening.
So, now just like every time I had surgery growing up (13 times from ages 3-18) I am stuck in bed, dependent on others and hating every second of it. One day you can go anywhere you want and the next day the kitchen is off limits. It messes with your head. I'm a very social person and I need to be doing something/feeling productive. I've come up with a few things here and there to keep myself busy (and I'll keep you all posted if anything comes of them), but 16 days into bed rest and I already feel like it's been a month. Michael brought me the SIMs to pass the time, but I haven't installed it yet. It's amazing how many ways you can find to avoid sleeping when you're in bed all day.
So, I have no control over my body (as usual) and my day to day decisions at this point include which position to lie in next and whether or not to sleep and I know that while my physical freedom will improve once this little girl comes I will be subject to her demands so maybe I should try to get used to it now.