I can't believe it's been 7months. Times takes on a different sort of shape and feel when you're pregnant. I remember the time before I took the test stretching on and on forever in the early days I wanted to go back there. To that still calm period when I suspected, but maintained total ignorance. I ignored the little twinges, didn't over analysis what I ate or worry about every possible outcome of my life decisions (as much). Then there was the storm of emotions when I was faced with the reality of things. Maybe storm is an inappropriate metaphor, more like monsoon or tsunami. I was shaking with anticipation and then there was a slow leak of information permeating the wall of my complete shock. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life. When that wall fell I was engulfed by emotion. Mostly negative to begin with. I could barely speak through my tears. I don't remember any one emotion being predominate, but I would guess it was fear. After I calmed down slightly I just felt like I was in a fog that never lifted. One day it did and I was completely at peace. It was the most calm I'd ever felt in my life. My cousin told me it was my maternal instincts kicking in because stress is bad for the baby.
That was early on and didn't last long. I was so sick in the beginning. I didn't want to eat or even move. The same cousin informed me that one day at about 11wks it would be like someone flipped a switch and I'd feel better. I remember thinking I'd never survive the 6wks it would take to get to that point. I just kept telling Mike "I'm no good at pregnant." I was beyond miserable. The lowest moment came near the end of that time when I was fired. I'd never been fired before ever. I thought I was good at my job, but running to the ladies room to puke every night and calling out for trips to the ER don't go over well. I was still feel sad thinking about that phone call. When I hung up I kept thinking two more weeks and I'd be fine. Why couldn't they wait two weeks?
Then like promised the switch flipped. That's when the excitement started to set in. I had the energy to be out and about, I was eating without throwing up again, my skin started clearing up, my hair grew and so did my belly. It wasn't easy I had my stupid hip popping out of the socket, the bursitis (same hip), swelling, horrible back pain and a couple of scares, but over all I feel pretty good. I was doing maternity yoga which helped a lot, but pregnancy’s rough on a tiny person with bad joints and tight muscles. 11-26wks was good. I started to feel excited. My maternity clothes fit better, I bought some things for the baby and oh, the ultrasounds. First peek at little one didn't count it was at 8wks in the ER no pictures and the baby closely resembled a gummy bear. The second time I cried. It was a person with fingers, toes, a face and a beating heart. A person I made that was alerting me to its presence with lots of kicks at that point. A beautiful healthy baby. The third time was a wonderful one too. Not only did I know there was a person in there, but now I knew what kind of person it was. I thought I'd be disappointed depending on what we heard, but I was thrilled beyond belief just to know. I'll talk more about that day after tomorrow when everyone finds out.
The last few weeks were scary and stressful. I have a ticker on one of the baby sites I go to counting days since I was put on bed rest and I can never believe how few it's been. On the plus side I'm more ravenous than ever and obviously not able to burn off all the calories so my belly (and baby) are expanding. I hope this little one stays put and keeps growing for a while. I'm really going to miss feeling the baby move around in there. So, now we wait. I'm no good at that never have been and it's literally all I can do until the baby comes. Which I cry when I think about. I think I'm noticing alot more weepiness lately in general, but think about holding your first baby and tell me if it doesn't stir emotion. To be fair though the sight of a cheeseburger "stirs emotion" for me at this point. (:
So, there you have an overview of my emotional roller coaster to date. Much more commentary to come about what's happened and happening with me and the baby. Thanks for reading.
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